


Again

by Kaori_Nagisa



Series: The Prophet and the Virgin Mary [10]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Breast Fucking, F/M, Gen, Oral Sex, Possessive Behavior, Rough Sex, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:09:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6137740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaori_Nagisa/pseuds/Kaori_Nagisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A hard road, a long time. </p><p>Finally, they can meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Focus

* * *

 

He was at the point of madness.

Saren realized this fact a mere two days after his conversation with Nova. Her revelation of a single remaining family member, alive and well - captain of a starship, no less - shouldn’t have affected him in the slightest, realistically speaking. It was a separate element from his association with her, something he should have given no more thought to after the initial conversation. After all, what was the appropriate response to what she had revealed to him? It was perhaps as shocking to the Spectre as it was to his human, for he had also been on Mindoir that night. Any who hadn’t been gunned down were carted off into slaver ships like cattle - all except for Nova. But he could hardly reveal that fact to her, so what more could he have said or done in reaction to it?

He had felt happy for her, initially. Perhaps it had merely been a byproduct of her own joy; a feeling she had been utterly consumed by to the point it shone forth from her very skin and made those deep emerald eyes glitter like precious stones. Saren wasn’t sure even now, but he _was_ sure of the feelings that had come after - for his smiles had soon died off, his mind had grown darker over time the more she spoke of her cousin, the so-called Hero of Akuze. The longer he had weathered her joyful state, the more Saren had resented this... Commander Shepard; had resented the revelation, had resented _everything_ . Somewhere, he felt a deep-seated anger for her happiness, and even now, the turian still had yet to figure out exactly _why_. Was it because he was not the source of it, for once in the long year since they had first met? Was it because it felt unfair, that a mere human was worthy of retaining living family, whereas he had been forced to make the decision to sacrifice his own brother for the good of the turian species?

They were no longer as alike as he had initially thought. It may have been for the best, as the galaxy certainly didn’t need more people like him… and he never wanted his innocent little pet to become as twisted, nihilistic, and corrupt as himself. Not unless it was by his own hand.

Saren was disgusted at his own behaviour in the days following their last conversation. He had taken to almost outright ignoring any messages she sent, and when he did force himself to respond in order to placate any worries she seemed to be experiencing, it was with but a few simple words - short and to the point. He knew she was anxious because of it. He regretted the fact, but continued to keep himself distant from the girl out of a perhaps misguided desire to protect her. It was unusual for him to take such preventative measures for a human, but he realized this had become worryingly normal for him over the past year. He disliked hurting her, loathed the fact he could so easily cause her to break into tears, and with his mind in such disarray, Saren knew he had to avoid her as much as either of them could handle - at least until such a time as he could control himself again. Right now, his anger seemed to boil over without provocation.

Yet even as he did so, he realized the self-imposed distance was affecting his own mental state as much as it likely was hers. It was completely unlike him to be moping around his unused apartment, thoughts swirling with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Saren rarely was one to question his own decisions. And he even more rarely gave thought to anyone but himself, as it was far easier that way and invited less trouble to his door, less complications in his life. To be driven to the pathetic state he was in now, by a mere _human_ girl, was the most insulting part of it all. And as the end of the third day wore on, with him having to pointedly avoid entering his bedroom just to keep himself from trying to call her, Saren came to an unsettling realization amid everything.

He wanted - no, he _needed_ her. It didn’t matter how, though he could only assume much of his pathetic state was brought on by a year-long need for sexual gratification that only she could fulfill. It wasn’t a pleasant thought, for him to be driven to such a point simply because of physical needs he had easily handled over the years without issue, but Saren refused to think of other possibilities. They were too worrisome, too… _complicated_ . He was tired of a damn _human_ making his life so difficult.

He was at the point of madness, and was fully aware that if he did not take steps to work out the frustrating feelings he held, everything would fall apart around him.

Saren refused to let that happen.

* * *

 

It had been a hard week for her.

Nova leaned against the wall, bringing up her omnitool for what felt like the thousandth time and checking her inbox, feeling a crash of disappointment fall on her as she saw no further messages from Saren. It had been like this since the day after their last vidcall, and she had been going over that night in her mind on a near-constant basis, wondering if she’d accidentally said or done something wrong, something that had made him angry at her. Over the past year, she had grown used to periods of silence between them, what with Saren’s Spectre status keeping him constantly on the move, and even times where he would only respond in short bursts, barely saying more than a few words before dropping back out of contact for a while… but this time felt different. As far as she had gathered, he was still on the Citadel. At this point in their friendship, that should have meant they were passing messages back and forth all day - after all, that’s how it had been before when they got chances like this. And more than that, they would have been on vidcall with one another every night he was available.

Yet every time Nova tried to ask him if anything was wrong, she would get a simple “No, nothing”, which never convinced her and in fact had quite the opposite effect. As she stared at the holo-display, empty inbox taunting her with its silence, Nova felt her eyes sting. What had she done wrong?

“Nova!”

She gave a start at the sound of her name, quickly closing the omnitool and looking up to the source of the call. Corona gave a half-wave from down the corridor, the usual smile on her face as she began approaching. It slipped for just a moment as she reached her, but disappeared as soon as Nova returned the gesture with a small grin. Even so, Nova could see the worry growing in her cousin’s eyes as their gazes met, and mentally chastised herself. She was fully aware how upset the current situation with Saren had been making her, yet somehow still thought it a good idea to check her messages while in a public traffic area. At least she hadn’t actually been crying.

“You alright, lieutenant? Look like your fish just died,” Corona began, her voice softer than normal. She was trying to be comforting, and Nova appreciated the gesture even as she wished the woman would remain more like her commanding officer right now, rather than her family. It was always harder to keep oneself together when met with a placating presence and tone of voice, things that almost seemed to _encourage_ one to cry.

“Y-Yeah, just a little tired. I’m sorry, ma’am-”

“ _Corona_. We talked about this,” the woman interrupted, smile growing slightly.

“C-Corona… s-sorry. I guess I’m just… still not, um.. used to this, eheh,” Nova tried to meet her cousin’s intensity with her own expression, but she could feel it falling flat in comparison. Still, she couldn’t deny being happy the woman was around. Despite still coming to terms in full with the fact she had actual _family_ alive and well, Nova had easily slipped into the role of what was more a sisterly relationship than that of cousins. She suspected the both of them were more than a little grateful for the other’s newfound presence in their life.

“You should get some rest if you’re feeling too dead on your feet, soldier. But before you go, here.” Nova was handed a datapad, which she took with some confusion. “This message came in earlier, figured you should know since it concerns you.”

The younger Shepard looked down at the information displayed on the device. It was basic political frippery for the first portion, but after she got through that, certain words began jumping out at her. Her own name was mentioned a good few times, in addition to a line about her “biotic potential”, and finally finishing off with an offer for her to participate in some sort of week-long training program on the Citadel… a program sponsored by the Galactic Council.

Her mind went blank for a moment as she reread over that particular line of text. Was this a joke?

“Before you ask, it’s legit. I made sure to check, since we’ve had issues before with spam messages coming in for other members of the crew. Here,” Corona came around to stand by Nova’s side, hand reaching up to the datapad and quickly navigating through a few screens. She pulled up a page from a news station on the extranet, with a bold headline that read _Council Funds Biotic Training and Assessment Program_ at the very top of the article. Realizing as the woman withdrew her hand that she expected Nova to read through it, the girl’s eyes scanned quickly through the first half of the article. It sounded less like a generalized training camp, such as the old Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training (more commonly known amongst children from the program as “Brain Camp”), and more like a specialized jumpstart for those with outstanding biotic ability. As she read on, Nova found it curiously similar in goal to something like the Alliance’s N7 program - just specifically targeted towards cultivating potential in high-ranking biotic specialists. Expectedly, the program had been started by an asari matriarch of some fame or another, and pushed within the political scene on Thessia until it gained the interest of the asari councilor. Not long afterwards, it was granted more funding by the Council itself, and a specific location for the place was set up within the Presidium.

Nova looked back up to her commanding officer, feeling her head nearly spinning at the implication. Corona gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder, offering an encouraging smile.

“Surprised?”

“A-A little, yes… I know I did well in training, b-but this… this feels way out of my league, how did I even..” Nova let her words die off on her lips, utterly overwhelmed by the fact she had been considered for such an exclusive and high-ranking program. She still couldn’t even perform a reave, let alone anything beyond the capabilities required for a skill like that. To be offered a chance to participate in such a program was almost unbelievable. It felt like the sort of thing that many would clamor for yet never make it into.

“You, uh.. don’t sound too enthusiastic about the prospect of accepting the offer, lieutenant.”

“I-I…”

She wasn’t, honestly. The idea was an exciting one, a perhaps once in a lifetime chance to not only receive training from what she assumed were some of the best and most powerful biotics within the galaxy, but also learn more about her own ability from others just like her. She’d never really associated much with fellow biotics, and hadn’t spoke with the others in training beyond friendly chats during down time. Human biotics had a habit of keeping to themselves, she’d found - possibly due to the suspicion they still faced within their own species. But as Nova grazed over the news article again, her thoughts took a downward turn as she began thinking of the struggles she still faced in utilizing her talent, even after everything she’d been taught in training and learned from Saren.

Saren… she wondered what he would advise her to do. He had become as much a mentor to her as a friend over the past year, and her thoughts inevitably went back to him. Her chest clenched, and she bit her lip as she tried to keep herself calm again and not dwell on the current situation between them.

“I-I need some… s-some time to think it over, maybe. I-I just… wonder if I’m worthy of participating..” she mumbled in response to her cousin, pointedly avoiding the woman’s gaze even as she felt Corona’s eyes digging a hole in the side of her head. Nova handed the datapad back, clearing her throat more out of anxiety than anything. “M-May I request the evening off, ma’am- er… C-Corona? To.. give it some thought. Come to a decision..”

“Sure. There’s no rush to accept anyway, the date they gave for your offered training period is still a month away. Though..” Corona’s voice went silent, and Nova couldn’t help peeking up at her for a moment in worry. She felt an ashamed flush run across her cheeks at the concerned expression her CO was making, and mentally chastised herself once more. Nova took a few steps forward, moving out of the woman’s personal space and putting just enough distance between them so she could avoid any physical placations Corona might try. “Nova, are you sure you’re feeling alright? You really do look like something’s..”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Like I said, j-just… tired. And now a little, um.. anxious. About this, I mean..”

“That’s really all? You know you can talk to me if you need to, kid.”

“I know… thank you. But I’ll be okay, I just… need some time to think, somewhere quiet. I, um… I-I’ll be in my quarters if you need me, commander!” she said, giving a respectful tilt of her head before quickly making her way down the hall towards the shared room she and Julia inhabited. To her relief, she didn’t hear the woman’s footsteps following after her.

Nova leaned heavily against the glass door dividing her living space from the other lieutenant’s, sighing as she brought out her omnitool again. Her thoughts were in shambles over the offer from the Council, but even amid the chaos she clung to those of Saren, despite the pain they brought. She knew what he would tell her, should she try to contact him about it; it was a great opportunity for her, not just for further training to help her while she served in the Alliance, but as a personal experience in getting to further her understanding and acceptance of her biotic talent. _You would be a fool to decline_ , she could hear him saying, and even despite the current circumstances she could barely suppress a laugh. It was odd how well she knew him after the past year, even as she was fully aware there was much and more about the Spectre than her current knowledge. And as she moved over to her bed, Nova recalled just how dearly she wished to learn more about him.

The tears came soon enough, as she dwelled on the turian who had become so important to her over the brief time they’d known one another. For a while, Nova simply laid in bed and cried, letting out the frustration and worry over what was going on between them, in the process providing an outlet for the newfound anxiety she held over the thought of the biotics program. It was childish, but she couldn’t stop and chose not to fight it, letting the sobs wrack her body as she simply turned her mind off long enough to ride the episode out. When she finally felt her eyes drying, Nova sat up and wiped at her tear-streaked face, feeling in desperate need of a shower. But she also felt a little lighter, as well.

At the end of it all, however, she knew what she needed to do.

* * *

 

_1 Month Later_

Nova couldn’t help looking to the side as she stepped onto the docks, taking in the captivating view of the ward arms extending into the nebula. Only a year had passed since she last saw it, but the scene still inspired such awestruck stare; it was breathtaking, a sight many could only ever dream of. For Nova, it was a reminder of just how far her species had come in just under a century, to be standing on a station like this in the deep reaches of space, part of a huge intergalactic community filled with every kind of alien imaginable. It was enough to make anyone feel small, and she couldn’t help wondering if those who resided on the station ever stopped looking upon this view with wonder.

The scenery was almost enough to make her anxiety fade. It had been a long trip to the Citadel, with her being jostled between about five different Alliance ships before finally making the last stretch aboard the freighter she was now exiting. Corona had done her best to ensure it was a smooth journey, but even so, the constant relocating had done little to lessen Nova’s nerves. She’d had almost no time to even sit and breathe, let alone anything else. But it had been the only way for her to get here, as the _Hong Kong_ wasn’t able to be taken off their patrol route for one single crewman - a fact Nova understood clearly and did not begrudge. Now, however, standing on solid ground once more and looking out upon the gorgeous view she had scarcely been able to do justice within her memories, Nova could let out a short sigh of relief. The first part of this was over, and now she merely had to approach the next step with her head held high. Finally tearing her eyes away, Nova looked around for the woman she was supposed to be meeting with.

The docks were quite busy, but even so, she didn’t notice anyone fitting the description given to her in the last correspondence from the Council representative. Each invited member of the training program would supposedly be met by an employee from the Citadel tower who worked alongside those running the program, who would then escort them to the building’s location in the Presidium as well as show them to their lodgings - ones generously paid for and provided by the Council for the duration of their stay. Nova was to meet with an asari woman by the name of Ish’mota D’asir, though she had not been provided with any sort of picture to go by, just a short description of the woman’s markings and an assurance that she would be obviously waiting for her. As Nova made her way further into the docks, eyes roaming to and fro as she searched for someone she barely could recognize, she felt a flush of embarrassment growing over her cheeks as she realized she could barely tell one asari from another. And there were _plenty_ of them here, everything from workers to wives seeing off their husbands. She stopped in a corner, feeling more than a little nervous by the crowds of aliens and humans surrounding her on all sides. It was harder than she had thought, to come to the Citadel alone like this - the last time, she’d been with friends she’d trusted and could stick with. Now she was a solitary figure amidst a sea of unknown faces.

Nova pulled out her omnitool, thinking to check the mail again and see whether she had overlooked further details on what her escort looked like. It had the bonus of allowing her to focus on something familiar, draw her attention away from the busy docking area and the anxiety she was feeling from being all alone. As she went through her inbox, however, her eyes inevitably drifted from the Council correspondence to her last message from Saren.

Not long after she had made the decision to accept the invitation, Nova had contacted the Spectre to inform him of what was going on. Despite her worry over the state he seemed to be in, she had thought to ask if he would be at the Citadel within a month’s time; it had been a desperate idea - a dreamlike thought that perhaps amid all of the chaos she would be feeling over the training program, they could finally see each other again after so long. It had been a few days more before she received a reply that he wouldn’t be available, but the more relaxed tone and greater length of it had been enough to cast the disappointment from her mind as she had felt relief wash over her. Whatever it was that had happened between them seemed over, things having returned to normal within just a day - now leaving her to sift through their correspondence chain with a ghost of a smile on her lips, fondly reading Saren’s encouraging words and assurances that he would contact her at the first opportunity to hear about how the training went. No mention of his former state had been made, and Nova was perhaps too worried of them returning to that upsetting time to ask what had happened.

But she trusted Saren. If it had been anything involving her, or in fact anything he thought needed to be mentioned at all, he would do so - now or in the future. Despite still worrying over it, over _him_ , Nova had decided to put it aside and simply enjoy them being back to normal with one another.

She thought to raise her eyes away from the omnitool, and perhaps the timing was meant to be, as she soon saw a well-dressed asari carefully picking her way through the crowds, eyes searching. Her upkept appearance and the datapad in her hand drove Nova to close out her device and move towards the alien, the two of them finally reaching one another after a quick jostling of the various people heading off all across the docks. The woman’s eyes soon met her own, brilliantly blue and standing in stark contrast to the more purplish hue of her skin.

“Ah, Nova Shepard?” she asked after a moment, giving a warm smile upon a tilt of Nova’s head. Like all asari, her voice had a distinct airy quality to it, almost serene compared to that of a human woman’s speech. “Wonderful! If you would please come with me, I’m to be your escort to the compound.”

“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am,” Nova responded, sharing the smile and awkwardly taking the offered hand. It was still odd sometimes to shake hands with an alien - for a long time she had been under the assumption it was a distinctly human motion, as she rarely saw turians or other species performing it. Their hands fell back to their sides, and the asari - Ish’mota - nodded her head towards the further end of the docks, where the C-Sec checkpoints were located and beyond those, the elevators down into the Presidium.

Security on the Citadel was tight, but the checkpoint just before the elevator gave them little issue, simply requiring a quick biometric scan to confirm their identities before the officer waved them off nonchalantly, already turning his avian eyes to the next person in line. Nova couldn’t help the slight flush in her cheeks as they passed by the turian, but she quickly returned her attention to the asari woman walking just ahead of her. Ish’mota had begun speaking, not bothering to look back but pausing now and again as if awaiting a confirmation that she was listening - to which Nova responded quickly, urging the woman to continue. She wasn’t entirely digesting everything Ish’mota was talking about, but gathered enough to realize it may be important information for her stay at the training complex and so did her best to keep up with. It wouldn’t do to let her mind wander too much, anyway. Saren had been clear that he was likely to be out on assignment around the time of the training period, and had _also_ been adamant about avoiding contact with her for the duration of her stay on the Citadel, citing that he “didn’t want to be a distraction” to her.

It didn’t make her happy, but Nova understood his intent and appreciated the thought. The least she could do in return was focus.

And so it was that she eventually felt confident enough to actively participate in conversation with her asari guide, to which the woman seemed delighted with. As they finally disembarked from the elevator into the main hub of Citadel Security, she animatedly began gesturing towards various sights and quickly going over them - effectively becoming as much a tour guide as an escort. Nova didn’t have the heart to stop her when she spoke of things she was already familiar with, finding the way the alien’s human-like features lit up to be calming. Despite her lack of familiarity with them as opposed to a species like the turians, Nova had always enjoyed the presence of asari, for they seemed to bring both an excitable personality and soothing serenity to the air. It made for an good salve on her nerves.

It was almost regretful how short the trip to the training compound was, after they exited C-Sec and made it into the heart of the Presidium. Soon after stepping out of a second elevator, Ish’mota hailed a cab for them and they were zooming through the inner ring to their destination.

The compound itself was unremarkable; yet another crisp, uniformly off-white structure built into the walls of the Presidium, with a lovely garden out front leading onto the main thoroughfare, where species milled about at a leisurely pace on foot. A simple sign along the front wall read _Jannuvus Institute for Biotics Training and Assessment_ ; Nova could only assume “Jannuvus” was the name of the matriarch who had created the program. Following her escort down the short pathway, they entered through the glass doors into a small room with another, more sturdier set of doors set into the opposing wall. To the side was a small open area, behind which was a counter and another asari sitting idly at it, who perked up upon their entrance. This must be a reception area, Nova thought, though the distinct lack of seating made her aware how little they must receive newcomers. Any paperwork for the program was likely filled out off-sight - if there was any at all.

“Ms. D’asir, welcome back! And is this one of the new trainees with you?” the other woman asked, her voice a much higher pitch than Ish’mota’s. She looked younger, as well, her teal coloring very smooth and appearing like silk compared to the more rugged, scaled features Ish’mota held - not that Nova would have noticed such a stark contrast were she not standing very close to the both of them. From a distance, the more rough, leathery texture of an asari’s skin was nigh impossible to make out.

Ish’mota gave a short nod, shooting a smile to Nova before turning her attention in full to the younger asari. As they spoke briefly about something regarding a check-in process being waived, Nova noticed a nametag pinned against the other woman’s dress with the name “Irenia”. Soon she returned her attention to the elder alien, as the woman turned back to her and motioned for her to follow. They stepped through the sturdier set of doors after Irenia pressed some button behind her counter, and Nova was immediately surprised by the stark contrast the interior held.

It was darker inside, thin blue lights set into the walls at precise intervals all down the hall, with larger orb-like fixtures of the same color settled between every tenth of the smaller ones. Despite the soothing, almost dream-like quality of the lighting, it was very easy to see by, and Ish’mota gave hardly a pause as she made her way down the corridor, with Nova quickly catching up to her pace after taking a moment to look around. Even as she fell in step behind the asari, her eyes continued to scan over every new hallway they turned into. As they passed by a few sets of unassuming doors along their journey to wherever she was meant to be going, Nova had the realization that the interior was oddly reminiscent of a starship. Somehow, that didn’t seem a coincidence.

“Here we are, at last!”

The woman came to a stop, and Nova had to struggle not to stumble right into her as she realized it a second too late. Scrambling back to stand a more respectful distance away, she looked up at a large set of doors, more ornate than the ones in the front of the building or those they had passed, with an intricate carving of some tribal-looking scene depicting what she could only assume were asari. Nova didn’t know enough of the species’ culture to really even hazard a guess as to the subject matter, but thankfully Ish’mota didn’t seem eager to remark upon it. Instead, she turned fully towards Nova, her back facing the relief. The woman smiled again, though this time there seemed to be an odd strain to it, as if she didn’t quite feel as cheery as earlier.

“Ms. Shepard, it has been a pleasure to meet you, and I would like to extend a formal welcome on behalf of my employer, Matriarch Sananya Jannuvus, to her esteemed training program! You will be briefed more thoroughly inside by the instructors themselves, but I would just like to take a moment and go over a few things of note.”

“Okay…” At the mention of an impending meeting with the actual people she would be taking lessons from, Nova’s anxiety kicked back up into overdrive. It was all she could do to keep from fidgeting as Ish’mota took a moment to look through something on her datapad.

“Right, as you are aware, you will be provided with lodgings here on the Presidium for the duration of your stay at our complex. When today’s introductory address and beginning course is completed, I will return here to guide you to where you will be staying when not undergoing our program schedule. Furthermore, your free time is unlimited in where you are allowed to go - you may travel to any part of the Citadel and partake in any sort of entertainment, food, or companionship that you wish. All we ask is that you be sure to return to this building for scheduled training sessions. Two missed days and you will be removed from the program immediately and asked to return to your former residence. Do you understand and agree to these conditions, Ms. Shepard?”

“Y-Yes ma’am.. um, w-will they tell us when our next session will start..?”

“But of course! At the end of each day’s training, your instructor will provide you with both verbal and written times for the following day’s schedule.”

“Okay.. I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Ish’mota flashed her one of her warmer smiles, slightly tilting her head as she did so and capturing Nova’s gaze in the depths of her sapphire eyes.

“There is no need to apologize - it is my duty as your assigned escort to ensure you are fully aware of all necessary information, to make the most of your time with us. Now then, as for free periods, if you decide you would like to remain at the complex until the night cycle begins and we must close the building, we have various recreational areas available further inside, which I would be happy to show you later in the evening, if you’d like! In addition, we have a cafeteria stocked with both levo and dextro food and drink, though… much of the levo-amino foods provided are of asari cuisine. I’m afraid if you would prefer a menu more familiar to humans, you will have to seek a restaurant elsewhere in the Presidium. I can, however, recommend you some of the best choices, should you desire.”

The woman looked over her datapad once more for a split second. Seemingly satisfied by whatever it was she was reading, Ish’mota lowered it and gave a slight bow to Nova. “With that, I do believe I’ve covered all necessary information. Should you have any further questions, feel free to bring them up later tonight! For now, I once more welcome you to our program, and wish you luck with your participation. If you will, please step through these doors and take a seat wherever you wish. The instructors will be available shortly to address those assembled within.”

* * *

 

The first day of training was one of the most exhausting experiences Nova had ever been through.

Nova had been expecting a more rigorous course than that which she’d undergone in basic, but the sheer magnitude of difference between the Alliance’s biotic training and this specialized program was staggering, and she soon found herself struggling just to keep up. The instructors - two asari and a turian woman - had stated the first day’s course would simply be introductory, a chance to get all participants used to how the Jannuvus program would work as they continued on. Nova was still struggling to believe that, as their “introductory” session involved live fire simulations in a large, open room with little cover protection, with the twenty-something trainees being expected to utilize both cover and biotic shielding in order to pass through the course uninjured. That in itself had been a struggle, as Nova was still having to work on her ability to produce mass effect fields while under duress.

She was probably lucky most of the trainees were coordinating together, rather than trying to outclass one another. Her fallacies were made up for by a lavender-skinned asari who seemed to specialize in a distinct type of combat biotics, as well as a small turian with colony markings indicating he was from Palaven, who’s shield strength far outclassed many within the program. It was stressful, but with the help of those two as well as the general camaraderie between all of the trainees, everyone managed to get through the simulation with no injuries other than minor bruising from hitting the ground diving into cover - as well as the expected burnout from having used so much of their energy to create the necessary mass effect fields. There had been a brief rest period given, with everyone being provided with protein bars and various juices from each species’ homeworld in order to recuperate for the next session. It was at this point that everyone had a chance to get to know one another.

Nova was astounded at how diverse the backgrounds were of everyone present. Initially having thought all those invited to this program would be elite military or from specialized biotic programs (such as Grissom Academy, for humans), she was surprised to find just how… _normal_ some of these people were. The only salarian in the group came from a simple contracting family, the youngest of many brothers and the only one in generations who had shown biotic potential. The lavender-skinned asari who had helped her earlier, meanwhile, was one of the famed commandos from the species’ military, a Vanguard whose primary role in combat situations was to rush forward through enemy lines with their biotics and disrupt formation so her allies could more easily pick off the stragglers. Another asari, one who looked to Nova’s eyes as barely more than a teenager, stated she’d come from a small farming colony out in asari space, and had tended to use her biotics solely as a means to help around her parent’s place. The turian with Palaven markings, so short in stature compared to many of his species, stated he’d been sent off to the program because no Cabal would take him until he could employ more offensive abilities. Out of everyone, he seemed the most reluctant to be in the program, for which Nova couldn’t help feeling a measure of sympathy.

After the rest period ended, they were all thrown once more into another live combat simulation, given only vague instructions to disable a generator at the far end of the exercise zone. As before, many of the trainees paired off into groups and moved as a unit, helping others out as one and all working together to meet the goal. Nova felt she did better this second time, after now being prepared for the sort of intensity the program would be made up of, and so lead her own unit through the scarce amounts of cover until they were the first of the groups to reach the generator. It was a simple matter to disable it with their biotics, and with that everyone had made it through another session. Nova was actually proud of how much she’d stepped up, feeling a wave of confidence that she was quite unused to and frankly didn’t quite know how to feel about, though she had soon been distracted by her teammates - the same asari and turian pair - patting her on the back and celebrating their victory.

It felt good to work as part of a team. Nova wondered if her future missions with Corona would be like this.

At the day’s end, she was completely wiped out from the experience, hardly able to raise her arm in a wave to Ish’mota, who had patiently waited for her within the reception area. The woman was understanding, of course, and did little to prod her to conversation as she guided her to a cab and drove her to the apartment complex where she was being provided lodgings. It was a luxurious place, crisp and clean like all other locations on the Presidium and with a soothing light reminiscent of sunset on Earth. After making their way up to her assigned room and parting ways, Nova could do hardly anything more than collapse onto the large bed, the softness of the mattress lulling her quickly to sleep, barely giving her time enough to crawl under the covers before she fell unconscious.

Waking the next day, she only allowed herself a quick shower and a glance at her omnitool before making her way - alone this time - back to the compound. Despite arriving earlier than the scheduled session was set for, she’d been surprised to find many other trainees lingering around in one of the closer recreational rooms, including her team of Nirife the asari and Ennius the turian, who greeted her warmly and pulled her into a few games of Skyllian Five.

The training that day was even more brutal, with one of the instructors themselves subbing in as an enemy unit. The group was instructed to hold back nothing, and so the exercise began. Despite the instructor’s words, most of the trainees were reluctant to utilize their full destructive ability, wary of harming one of their teachers and perhaps failing some hidden test. It was only Nirife and a few other, older asari who went all out from the get-go, pushing against the instructor’s defenses and meeting each of their own attacks with equal force. It was only when the other two instructors barked at the group to push more that everyone followed their lead, Nova implementing her singularities in order to try catching the enemy off guard after Nirife’s charging. They weathered a relentless assault from the turian instructor, kinetic shields failing quickly under her constant warps and attempts to throw them across the room with her biotics. Nova doubted their particular group could have stood against it were it not for Ennius’ ability, his barriers holding up even against the woman’s strongest attempts, until finally one of the other groups managed to bind the instructor down with multiple stasis fields. It was at that point that the two asari standing up on the viewing platform called the exercise to an end, delightedly informing everyone that they did an outstanding job. In full, the exercise had lasted nearly an hour, and everyone was almost dead on their feet.

It was a relief when they were released that day, with half the group retreating to the cafeteria to load up on juice and any other sort of food they could find in order to recharge their energy. Nirife in particular seemed nearly ready to topple over, but she was all smiles and high-fives to Nova and Ennius, who hovered around her the entire evening as the trainee group sat and chatted.

The atmosphere was completely unlike what Nova had been expecting, and she was continuously grateful for that.

* * *

 

The fourth day of training finally came, though as Nova awoke from a deep sleep and had just begun to prepare for a shower, she came to the sudden realization that there was no scheduled session today.

It was a recuperation day, or so the instructors had called it - two days with no training planned, allowing them to rest and recover from the grueling trials they’d been constantly set upon. Part of the training itself seemed to be focused on increasing their endurance, pushing them to build up strength enough to use their biotics for longer periods of time before experiencing burnout and requiring time to recharge. The downside to this was with each passing day, the entire group of trainees had become more visibly exhausted, experiencing low energy periods faster than normal and requiring more lengthy break periods, as well as an excess of food and drink to reenergize. Allowing them a few days off to do as they liked was meant to get them ready for the final stretch of the program, so that they could all be at their very best once again.

She wasn’t at all bothered by the time off, though with no friends with her, Nova found she didn’t quite know what to do with herself. A brief thought came to try and look up Nirife or Ennius - the three of them had seemed to get along quite well even outside of the simulations - but she quickly shoved it aside, realizing the both of them were probably going to utilize these two days off to their own advantage, including actually getting the required rest they all probably needed. Had she not just woken up, Nova herself may have been inclined to crawl back into bed and sleep this first day away.

As it was, she decided to take a bath first off - a luxury she hadn’t been able to experience in a long time. Military bases and Alliance starships weren’t exactly big on space or time, and so the last actual relaxing bath she’d taken had been over a year ago, back when she was still living with her guardians on Earth. In her opinion, it was high time she got to experience one again. And luckily for her, the apartment she’d been provided with had a lovely bath/shower hybrid installed. It took hardly any time to fill the tub up with warm, steaming water, and even less for her to strip out of the simple t-shirt she’d been using as sleepwear. Slipping into the water, Nova let out a satisfied sigh at the way the heat washed all across her skin, seeping into it and taking away the tension that had built up the last few days. She’d _really_ missed being able to take baths.

It was almost a shame when she finally tore herself out of the cooling water, shivering the entire time as she dried her hair and redressed in basic civilian slacks. Not the most stylish or comfortable thing to wear, but it was preferable to walking around in her Alliance uniform - at least _this_ wasn’t so tight on her chest.

_Should get something to eat_ , she thought to herself, wondering whether there was a human-centric restaurant close by. She wasn’t against trying asari or salarian cuisine, but for just a brief stay on the Citadel and a quick breakfast, it didn’t seem right to start her food adventures now. And she wasn’t exactly living large on an Alliance paycheck. As she brought up her omnitool to look around on the extranet, however, it immediately lit up with a… short range communication burst? That was new - she wasn’t even aware she had that option available to her, though she’d rarely had to communicate with any of her old friends through messaging services, having easily been able to meet up with them at a moment’s notice back on Earth. It wasn’t exactly odd for people to not know every single function of their omnitool, either.

Her heart seemed to stop as she read the message.  
  
_Meet me at the rapid transit terminal near your apartment. Do not keep me waiting, Nova. -S_


	2. Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if I like how this portion came out, but here we are.
> 
> Just gotta keep trucking along!

* * *

It had all been laughably easy to set up. 

As Saren leaned against the railing overlooking the lake, pointedly avoiding the few curious glances he received from passerby, he thought through the plan he’d laid out, almost surprised by how well it had worked. It had been a very simple matter to retrieve Nova’s final test scores from the Alliance records and ensure they ended up on Councilor Tevos’ desk, directly at the top of the meager pile of accepted invitees for the Jannuvus Program. He’d had little doubt that her high marks would have easily gotten her access - it was the integrity of the employees hired by the councilors to sift through the endless lists of every known, registered biotic from every species in Council space that he’d doubted. There was little secret in the fact that the program was highly biased in favor of asari trainees, with turians making up the other half and all other races merely thrown in as fillers just to achieve the desired numbers for the funding. Normally he would have been pleased by how difficult it was for humanity to make it into the program, but having known it was one of the only ways to get the girl off her damned Alliance starship within a few month’s time, he’d been forced to take matters into his own hands to ensure her acceptance. The alternatives would have drawn more attention than he’d have liked. 

From there, it was easy enough to find out the planned scheduling of the training period and make arrangements. The hardest part of the entire thing had been forcing himself to remain off the radar - avoiding speaking to her or even glancing at the few messages she sent to update him on her situation. Despite getting her involved in the biotics training for his own gain, he was still a practical man and retained a mentor-like desire to see her excel. After all, it was rare for humans to get accepted for scouting to the program. He wanted Nova to learn all she could during her brief trip, and in order for that to happen, he’d had to remove as many distractions from her surroundings as possible - primarily himself.

No longer. He gave a quick glance down to his omnitool, reading through her reply with a ghost of a smile quirking his mandibles. Still so eager. It almost made the question of her attraction fade away, for surely how could she  _ not _ be when she so easily seemed to dance in the palm of his hand? But assumptions weren’t enough for him any longer. He needed to know for certain, from the girl’s own lips. 

What he planned to do with the information was still unknown. 

It was hardly a moment longer before his eyes caught sight of her, a small blonde human standing out amid the white uniformity of the Presidium and the myriad of blue, brown, and green of the various species milling about the area. She ran down the length of the walkway, eyes buried in her omnitool as if awaiting a response from him, gaze lifting now and again just enough to avoid crashing into another resident. He had to silence an amused laugh at the shocked looks on some of the asari’s faces, as if they’d never seen a human move so fast before. Saren was almost proud; if she put even half as much effort into her movements on a battlefield, she’d make a damn fine soldier sooner than expected. 

He watched her pause just a short distance away, leaning over with her hands on her knees as she took in great gulps of air, panting in a way that reminded him almost uncomfortably of a varren. Humans  _ had _ always been rather animal-like to him in general, though. And he supposed the behavior had its perks, as he could covertly watch the way her chest heaved, breasts barely contained behind the drab civilian clothing she wore. Catching her breath finally, her eyes once more fell to her omnitool, and Saren decided to humor the girl a bit. 

_ Look up, Nova. _

Her eyes found his, even as he stared out at her from under the dark hood of his cloak. Still so impossibly green, so captivating amid the dulled hues of her surroundings. Seeing her visage on a mere holo-display monitor had barely done the color justice, and his subvocals thrilled with longing as they merely gazed at one another. He was the first to move, pressing away from the railing and preparing to make his way over towards the girl - but stopped just short as she closed the distance between them, arms encircling around his chest as she reached him. 

Saren could only blink in surprise, arms raised just slightly away from the human now clinging to him like some child. He let out a quiet growl as her soft breasts pressed against his stomach, already feeling his control beginning to slip. She was so close - so  _ real _ . He could actually reach out and touch her, after so long being apart. It disturbed him just how… calming that was. He’d never wanted to be this near to a human before her. 

She was dangerous, even a year later. A force that would drive him to madness if he wasn’t careful. 

“Saren…” he heard her whisper, voice sounding as if she was on the edge of tears. He couldn’t trust himself to speak for a moment, instead simply letting his hands fall carefully upon her shoulders. She was still so small, so.. fragile. Barely more than the child he had held in his arms over a decade ago. And he still felt that domineering urge to break her, the intensity of the feeling almost frightening. 

Spirits, but she drove him crazy in all possible ways. He only wished he understood  _ why _ .

She gave one final squeeze before finally allowing him to move them apart, eyes lifting to his own and shining with moisture. He almost lifted a talon to her cheek, the same desire to take away her tears driving his thoughts before he caught himself, instead completely removing his hands from her and tugging down his hood slightly, eyes darting to the sides as he did so. Spectres weren’t exactly known well within the general public, many of them choosing never to make appearances so as to retain their invisibility in the crowds aboard the Citadel, and even as infamous as he was, Saren wanted to believe his own identity wasn’t that well-known amongst the populace outside of those within C-Sec and politicians for his own species. Even so, he felt a lingering worry of being recognized by someone in passing, of being seen with a human woman. But aside from a few more glances given by passerby, who quickly looked away and back to their partners or datapads, the removal of his hood didn’t seem to draw any unwanted attention towards them. Saren still wasn’t keen on staying in one place for long, though - not here on the Presidium, at any rate. 

His gaze fixed back on the girl standing before him. 

“You appear well, Nova.”

“I-I… y-yeah, I am, I-I guess… T-Tired, kind of. Um.. t-training’s been rough, and I.. w-well..” 

Stuttering again, as usual. Saren recalled how it had nearly infuriated him, the first time they’d spoken over vidcall. That day seemed so far away now - another life, another time in which he didn’t feel so confused and irritated by his own unusual emotions. Their night of drunken passion felt even more distant, yet the memory had haunted him for a year; cruelly reminding him of the mistakes he had made, of the twisted desire he had felt towards her and  _ continued _ to feel. It was all he could do not to allow the images of her naked form twisting under his touch to surface in his mind. 

There would be time to sort that particular issue out later. For now, he wanted nothing more than to be near this infuriating woman. 

“S-Saren, I… I-I thought you said you.. t-that you would be on a-assignment-”

“I was wrong. The Council deigned to send another Spectre to investigate the situation,” he lied. It required little more explanation than that for her to believe him; she was far too trusting, too willing to take anything he said to her at face value. Saren still didn’t know whether he enjoyed her blind loyalty or was repulsed by it. “Seeing as I suddenly had an open schedule, I thought it would be worth attempting to meet with you. We won’t be due for another opportunity like this for a while.” 

“... Thank you… S-Saren, I’m… I-I’ve missed you so much..” 

“I am aware.” His mandibles quirked in a smile, held for but a moment before his expression returned to a more neutral state and he turned from the girl, nodding his head down the pathway. As much as he’d like to entertain the human’s idea of a momentous reunion, time was not on their side in this matter, and he wanted to proceed with the plans he had made in the days prior. “Come. I suppose you have yet to eat, so I’ve arranged for a reservation at a joint levo/dextro restaurant not far from here.”

The way her cheeks flushed at the words gave him more pleasure than he’d expected. 

* * *

 

The place was only a short walk from where they had reunited, and Saren ushered the girl inside before moving to stand in front of her, unconsciously trying to block her from the view of any prying eyes. As they approached, the asari maitre d’ looked up and gave him a warm smile, practiced for hours on end every day. He barely spared her a glance as he stated, “Servius Artorus and guest.”

She flipped through the monitor set into her podium for but a moment before her eyes returned to him, another gracious smile and a slight nod of her head. “Please head inside, Mr. Artorus. Someone will be with you shortly.”

He noticed Nova’s confused stare out of the corner of his eye, and once they were away from the asari, he met her gaze with a shrug of his shoulders. Saren felt like it needed no explanation - the girl was smart, despite first impressions. And as a server soon approached them with a respectful tilt of their head, motioning for them to follow, he saw understanding pass across her features. It only made sense, after all; given his profession, it wasn’t exactly safe to go around using his real name, even within the Citadel. Too many people resented the Spectres, and he was widely detested by a number of species for his “unethical” approach and outspoken hatred of humanity. The name of Servius Artorus had been born out of a need for secrecy while on infiltration missions, but it had utility for staying below the radar while visiting the Citadel. And in this case, it would keep his little dalliance with a human woman from reaching the ears of the Council.

The last thing he needed was to get an earful from Sparatus. 

“We hope you enjoy your meal with us, monsieur. Here is your table - may I take your order now or later?” the human server said, motioning them inside an enclosed space with a table set into the opposing wall, resting just below a large window looking out upon the Presidium. The man’s voice had a strange accent to it Saren had no hope of placing, but he didn’t really care to in the first place and upon the question, merely waved the human off, having to restrain himself from giving a disgusted snarl. 

“Later. We would like some privacy,” he said, voice dangerously low even as he strained to appear neutral towards the man. Thankfully it seemed to chase him away all the faster, a surprised look passing over his wide features before he quickly nodded and shut the door to the enclosure behind him. Saren allowed a short exhale, eyes finding their way back to his companion. He motioned towards the cushioned seats resting along both sides of the table. “Sit.”

She did as ordered after a flush of her cheeks, gaze breaking from his as she turned and carefully slid herself onto one, looking almost uncomfortable with the surroundings. He wondered for a moment whether this had been more extravagant than necessary, but quickly squashed the thought. Human or no, it would have been unacceptable to bring her to just any joint levo/dextro restaurant - and there were plenty on the Citadel now, having sprouted up quickly within the last twenty years. Few had as good of a reputation or as small a clientele as this one, however. And the private booths available here had appealed to him. As happy as he was to see Nova again, his mind still worked overtime with paranoia of their odd relationship being made public, or whispers reaching the turian councilor of his involvement with a human. Saren liked his private affairs to  _ stay _ private, especially the ones surrounding her. 

He wordlessly slipped into the seat across from her, allowing the table to provide a wall between them. Their eyes met again, the light filtering in from the Presidium hitting her emerald in a way which had his mandibles twitching; no, the vidcalls had truly failed to do the color justice. Or the rest of her, for that matter. He could scarcely remember just how pink her lips were, how soft and smooth they looked as he let his gaze wander over them. The freckles along her cheeks had barely been visible, either, drowned out in the light from her monitor. Staring at her now, he could make out almost every individual speck, the dark spots dancing across her nose and under her eyes. They seemed to draw his gaze across every inch of her face, over her furred brow and down the odd protuberance humans had for a nose, down the curve of her jaw, finally escaping to run along the length of her neck until his wandering eyes were halted by the high collar of her shirt. That was for the best, as it wouldn’t do to let his thoughts become distracted with images of what lay underneath. 

All in good time, he told himself. Patience had always been the key to interacting with her. 

He lifted a datapad from its rest stand at the end of the table, giving it a quick look over before sliding it to her. He wasn’t entirely interested in the menu, or even in eating - only her. As she lifted it up and let her gaze move away from him to read through, he said, “Find something familiar, or something you would like to try. They have it sectioned out by species.” 

“I.. S-Saren, a lot of this is… e-expensive. I c-can’t-”

“I don’t want to hear you finish that sentence, Nova. I brought you here fully aware of the prices. They aren’t an issue, so find something you think will satisfy your hunger.”

Expense wasn’t an issue for him even in regular circumstances, and especially not so for this. The price of just the reservation had been a mere pittance, barely a drop in the bucket of his bank account, and the food barely scratched the surface of  _ that _ expenditure. Being an agent of the Council paid quite well, after all - and he rarely spent on himself for any more than bare necessities, most of his money going towards equipment and paying off informants all across the galaxy. Spoiling his little pet hadn’t seemed such a bad idea, considering that. He only had to wonder if this was too much, too fast. 

Nova bit down on her lower lip, eyes wavering over him for a moment before she seemed to reluctantly give in. Whatever her protestations were against him buying her breakfast, she apparently wasn’t going to voice them. It was a few moments later that she told him what she’d like, and he took the datapad back with a nod, keying in the call button for their server before replacing it back in its stand. Hardly any time had passed when the server knocked on the door of their booth, and Saren nodded his head towards Nova. It’d be less troublesome to let her handle the orders, as he felt his patience would wear thin trying to speak with that human server again. 

* * *

 

She was starting to wonder whether she’d ever be able to think straight around him. 

It was all Nova could do not to tremble in his presence, feeling so overwhelmed by the fact he was  _ here _ , he was so close she could touch him. Even now her arms seemed to tingle with the memory of his warmth against them as she’d rushed to embrace him earlier. It was a warmth she had missed too much, for far too long - something she didn’t think she’d ever be allowed to feel again. The brief moment she’d had of terror immediately following her foolish actions had melted away when she’d felt the turian’s hands on her shoulders, talons carefully pressing against her as he’d allowed her to hug him, despite the tension she’d felt run through him at the contact.

She’d missed him so much.

They spent the time after ordering in silence. Saren’s eyes tended to stay fixed on the window, watching the goings-on of the Presidium in boredom; it allowed Nova brief moments to study him, to retrace all the old lines and ridges of his face. She recalled the feel of them under her fingers, how much softer the cartilage had been compared to what she’d expected. His eyes that night had pierced her, watching her every move with an intensity that had almost frightened her. Even now, the silvery-blue peeking out from the dark ring of his eye sockets captured her with their appearance, sharp and cold just like the man they belonged to. But they held a warmth in them, whenever their gazes met. Nova could see the way his mandibles twitched, how his eyes roamed across her own face as if he too was studying her - committing her to memory the way she had done that first night. The moments were brief, ending all too quickly as he turned back to the window without a word. But they were enough. 

Their meals came after what felt like an eternity, the server entering into their enclosed booth and carefully setting down their food - this time an asari, who seemed to glance at Saren with an odd mixture of interest and caution; Nova couldn’t help thinking the human from earlier had expressed his displeasure at Saren’s demeanor to the other workers. The woman spoke not a word to them, merely nodding her head respectfully at their plates and giving a half-bow as she retreated out from their private space, quietly closing the door after her. Saren huffed, eyes lingering on it for a second after the asari’s exit before turning to stare down at Nova’s meal, expression shifting into a mixture of curiosity and disgust.

“Do I even want to ask what that is,” he said flatly, leaning back in his seat as he picked up his own utensils and tried to move his attention back to his own food. Nova had to stifle a laugh, though her body shook with it and she was sure he’d easily be able to notice the embarrassed flush that lit up over her ears. She let her gaze move down to her bowl, grabbing her spoon and lightly poking at the brittle crust covering the top of her soup. 

“I-It’s, um… s-something like what I used to eat, b-back on Earth. Onion soup, it’s… a-actually better than the name sounds. It’s mostly j-just caramelized onions in a thick soup stock with m-melted cheese, um… n-not usually so extravagant, but it’s..” her voice drifted off as she lifted her eyes to his own plate, wondering what exactly she was staring at. And why it was blue. “I-It’s… filling, and good f-for cold days..”

The Spectre gave a little grunt of acknowledgement, his gaze still lingering on the mixture for a moment before he fell to his own meal. Nova tried not to worry whether she was boring him trying to explain human food, instead plunging her spoon into the top of the soup and using the cheesy crust as a makeshift bowl to capture bits of the onion on. 

*****

“Saren, c-can I ask you something?” she said later on, after they’d both shoved their empty plates aside. His gaze found hers, subvocals rumbling in a way which caused a flush to run over her cheeks. At a silent nod, she mustered up enough stability in her voice to continue, “I’ve… n-noticed that turians wear gloves all the time. Y-You as well, but yours don’t seem as… um..”

“Blunted?” he offered, settling back and placing a hand on the table as if to let her examine it further. She could only give a nod of affirmation, throat suddenly feeling a little dry. By the way his mandibles clenched tight to his jaw, she worried whether asking such a thing was considered rude in his culture; there was still so much about turians… and about  _ Saren _ that she didn’t know or understand.

His eyes fell to his gloved hand for a moment, brow plates lowering slightly, like he was deep in thought. His fingers retracted, wrist turning so that his palm faced outwards. Nova too looked down, watching his movements closely as she felt a flush of regret crawling down her neck, the Spectre’s silence making her even more anxious. When their eyes met again, she nearly parted her lips to spill out an apology, but he held the hand up to silence her, one mandible quirking up in what she’d learned was a crooked smile. 

“The gloves are an attempt at appeasing other species. Many within the galaxy find our talons… disconcerting. Additionally, even those who file them down to be more blunted are prone to accidentally cutting another, softer species’ flesh. Our physiology meant for these to be used to tear apart prey, rip skin from bone. So my species took to wearing gloves overtop them, to further blunt the talon and hide their sharper form away from the eyes of other species.” 

“I see.. but yours still seem…” 

“Sharp, yes. That is fully intentional, Nova. I see no reason to hide a part of my very being merely for the sake of a few snivelling humans or asari who find my claws  _ disconcerting _ . The fact I wear gloves should be good enough. The comfort and security of other species is not my concern, nor should it be.”

Nova remembered the way his talons had pressed into her flesh, like a cold knife running across her skin. He’d caressed her body with them, gentle at first yet always with a pressure that told her how easily he could have harmed her. Oddly enough, she’d been at ease with the feeling, despite knowing how razor sharp they were. Even now, recalling the marks he’d left along her hips and upper thighs as the night had worn on, she didn’t see them as frightening. Even so, she could understand why such a thing would worry non-turians. But Saren had a point - it shouldn’t be his responsibility as a lone individual to placate other species by hiding a part of what made him a turian. While it harmed no one in doing so, the thought of the coverage or dulling of their talons being  _ expected _ didn’t sit well with her. It would be like the aliens asking humanity not to be so diverse in appearance, something that was an essential part of their physiology and what made them human. 

Not that the other species had ever asked anything like that of her own. The analogy was actually ridiculous, as she thought on it, and she gave a mental shake of her head at her own foolishness. 

“I.. I-I see. Thank you for explaining it to me, I’ve… always been a little curious. A-Aside from that night we met in Chora’s, I-I’ve.. n-never seen a turian remove their gloves..” Why did she have to bring that up? She felt a blush erupt over her face, heat spreading across her body from the embarrassment. 

_ Stupid Nova. Stupid. _

“There’s a reason for that, as well. Beyond simply wanting to appease the other species and appear less... predatory,” Saren said, voice lowering in a way that sent a chill racing up her spine. His eyes fell to his hand for a moment once more, before capturing hers again. Leaning closer, elbows resting against the table, he continued, “It has become culturally ingrained in my species not to remove our gloves except among family, close friends… and intimates.” 

The way he emphasised that last part made a dull ache start up in her chest, flush deepening. 

“Due to this, it is rare for anyone to see my people gloveless, unless they fall into one of those categories. Only on the homeworld would other species have much of a chance to see it, simply because Palaven is  _ ours _ , and we do as we like there more so than anywhere else in the galaxy.”

“So… w-when you…” Nova’s mouth clamped shut, her better senses kicking up and forcing the question back down her throat before she could utter it. She knew the reasoning was likely as simple as gloves being an irritation during such an act, nothing more and nothing less. There wasn’t a need to ask what it had meant - regardless of how her thoughts swam with dreamlike implications.

Even so, she thought she saw his mandibles flick in a genuine smile before they clamped tightly against his jaw once more, so fast she questioned whether it had happened at all. 

* * *

 

Saren had shared a lot with her over the past year, but this time a strange sense of satisfaction filled his mind as he watched her lean back in her seat, eyes moving away from his own to look down at the Presidium. 

There had always been a sort of pleasure he took in educating her on his species - physiology as well as culture, and everything that lay between. She was eager to learn, whether for his sake or from a genuine interest, and playing the part of a professor appealed to him in an odd way when it came to the girl. This time, though, a certain air settled around them as she clammed up, leaving a question unspoken. He knew what she had wanted to ask, and was almost regretful that she didn’t; at the same time, he figured this was for the best, to let it remain unsaid - a silent mystery between them that was never touched upon again.

After all, Saren wasn’t even sure of the answer. 

He let his own gaze drift over to the window, watching the passing pedestrians in silence as he had done through much of their time here. His mind was once more swirling with questions that needed answers, confusing feelings he couldn’t quite place - and others which he knew intimately, but refused to dwell on. She was testing his patience in all the worst ways, and it was all he could do not to simply demand an answer from her - to a question he had yet to even ask. A question that, much like her own, was possibly better left unsaid.

When he finally turned to her again, intending to ask whether she required anything more to eat, he was surprised to find her seemingly unconsciously picking at the collar of her shirt, biting her lip and with an expression he could only really view as uncomfortable. His head cocked to the side, ever so slightly, but enough to draw her attention. Saren hid a smile as he saw her pale skin darken with redness, enjoying the way her eyes wavered before she looked down to the table, as if unable to face him. 

“You seem troubled, Nova,” he said, allowing his voice to lower to the octave he knew would elicit the best responses from her. To his satisfaction, he saw the blood spread to more of her face, her lips parting as she drew in the shortest of breaths - imperceptible had he not been watching her intently, eyes drinking in every slight motion she made.

“I-It’s.. nothing. I-I was just.. um, thinking about… i-it’s nothing, it’s kind of silly..”

“Speak freely with me.” Always the same words; a request, an offer, and an order all rolled into a single sentence. He leaned forward against the table, attempting to close the distance she was trying to make. 

“It’s silly-” 

“I don’t care. Speak.”

Another bite of her lip. Saren let his eyes graze over them for a moment, recalling with vivid detail just how softly they had pressed against his mouth, the subtle wetness to them as she’d parted them and met his searching tongue. It was only when he felt his plates shifting that he squashed the memory, filing it back into the depths of his mind. Now wasn’t the time for that, as pleasant as the recollections were.

“I-I was… just thinking that I f-feel out of place. Underdressed, I… I suppose.”

“Underdressed?” he asked, almost in disbelief. He could think of a much better definition for the word than the full-covering civilian clothes she was currently in. Another memory surfaced, of her skin taunting him from beneath white lace - tempting him, whispering to his desires as he’d fell upon her and tore through the irritating garments. Again, he shoved it aside, mentally chastising himself. He’d been able to survive a year without her presence, it was disgraceful just how reactive he was becoming now. 

“Y-Yeah… I-I mean, this is such a nice place..” she began, absently fiddling with a lock of hair. Saren’s eyes lingered on the motion for longer than necessary, Nihlus’ words ringing in his head. “A-And… you just look so.. s-so..” 

Saren allowed a smirk to surface at the way she looked at him, seeming so utterly awed and enamored by his appearance. Her past words rolled through his mind, repeating over and over like a chant;  _ handsome, beautiful, handsome, beautiful _ . When she lamely finished with “well-dressed”, he had to hold back a chuckle. Disappointing, but amusing all the same.

“You feel as though your wardrobe is lacking. I see,” he said, moving away from the table after a moment of gazing at her. As he slid out from the seat and stood up, she called his name in question. He merely gave a slight smile as he motioned for her to follow.   
  
It was time to spoil his pet a little more.


	3. Need

She truly was that same child he had rescued. 

Feeling her pause, Saren stopped beside her, looking down to see Nova staring across the lake to the Krogan Memorial. Having been a regular part of the Presidium decor for longer than he’d been alive, it was something Saren barely paid any mind to, but the way Nova looked upon it with such fascination was almost understandable. It was a towering statue, dark marble weathered into roughness by the many years it had stood within the Presidium’s lake, a  reminder of the triumph of the Krogan over the Rachni - as well as a point of dissent among the galactic community over whether it should have remained standing after the Krogan Rebellions. Both events had taken place long before her species had even attempted spaceflight. He wondered which she thought of as she looked upon it.

They experienced many of these sort of pauses as he attempted to guide her towards one of the more reputable clothing stores located in the Presidium Commons. Despite the agitation growing from it, Saren couldn’t really be angry at her, fully aware that this was likely the only time she had ever been on the Presidium and was allowed to look around at her leisure. He’d certainly not given her the time to before, so many years ago as he’d all but dragged her to the Embassies. Seeing her wide-eyed wonder now, a measure of regret filled him as he recalled the memory; because of this he kept his irritation silent, allowing her to drink in her surroundings. 

They didn’t speak as they made their way along the white pathways, Nova hardly sparing him a glance as her eyes wandered in every direction, utterly captivated by all she saw. That, more than anything, was perhaps the primary source of his irritation. A strange sense of possessiveness overtook him whenever he saw her head turn away, whenever her gaze fixed on random pedestrians they passed by, and it took more self control than he realized not to simply let out a snarl and pull her against him; to capture her gaze so utterly and without competition, so that she would look only at him. The way her eyes danced with curiosity and the smile that tugged at her lips - as well as the opportunity to stare more freely at her without worry - were what made the situation bearable.

They were halfway through to the Commons when Saren realized he didn’t feel the girl’s subtle heat next to him, nor hear her footsteps falling in sync with his own. He felt a single pound of his heart before turning and finding her standing further back, leaning against the railing with her eyes fixed on a point some ways away. A short sigh escaped, nostrils flaring as he breathed out in relief. The Presidium wasn’t nearly as busy or crowded as the Wards, but the thought of losing Nova in a crowd was still something that made him anxious - she was too small, barely more than a teenager and likely prone to drown within the mass of taller species milling around. He turned and stalked towards her, deciding it was probably time to ask her not to keep stopping without warning, his gaze following her line of sight as he drew closer. He paused next to her, watching the brightly-colored fish jumping up from the water in the center of the lake, their translucent fins catching the ever-present daylight in marvelous rainbow displays before falling back under the surface of the water, only to be replaced by another of their fellows. It was curious behavior, though if he was right in his assumption, Saren believed it was a type of fish native to the asari homeworld of Thessia, one widely known within their culture for flying up out of the water in a strange mating habit. For any other species, however, it was merely a curiosity. 

Nova hardly took her eyes off the display, mouth slightly parted as she let out the tiniest exclamations of surprise. Saren’s mandibles fluttered in amusement, his gaze remaining on her for a moment before taking in the fish again. 

“I see their charm is not lost on you,” he quietly stated, pressing against the railing as well with barely a hair’s breadth between them. Her eyes finally lifted to his own, a barely-perceptible flush along her cheeks. 

“They’re beautiful… I-I’ve never seen anything like them, not even on Earth…” She glanced back to the fish still dancing across the water, a smile tugging at her lips. “Are there fish from every species here? L-Like… f-from the homeworlds?”

“I can’t say. I’ve heard most of the fish here in the Presidium’s lake are imported from asari worlds, with a few from Sur’Kesh as well,” he responded, giving a slight shrug of his shoulders. 

“Sur’Kesh is the… s-salarian homeworld?” 

“Correct.” 

“It must be hard to.. h-have a lot of different types here… each homeworld h-has a slightly different ecosystem, so trying to a-acclimate them all to the same… B-But these fish have lived here for decades, h-haven’t they?” 

“I suppose so. I wouldn’t know, I rarely paid the aquatic life any mind.” Another shrug of his shoulders was all he gave, pushing away from the railing and holding a hand out to her. Nova stared down at it in confusion for a moment, eyes returning to his own. He flicked his mandibles in irritation. “At this rate we’ll be separated in the crowds. Come.”

Still a moment of hesitation passed between them, Nova’s eyes drifting up to his own before returning to his offered hand. He forced down his subvocals as they hummed with longing, mandibles clamping tightly to his jaw as he watched the human lift her arm, the flush from earlier spreading further across her face. Feeling her small hand pressing against his own, Saren enclosed his talons around her more gently than one would expect, eyes remaining locked to the girl for a moment longer before he turned and pulled her along. A memory surfaced at the contact between them. 

_ She wouldn’t let go of his hand. Even as he ignored her presence, sparing little more than a glance down at the human child, he felt her tiny fingers cling desperately to him. Attempting to find comfort amid the chaos her life had become, a point of anchorage as she was tugged through unfamiliar surroundings. _

Saren’s mandibles fluttered as he pushed it aside. She didn’t remember, and there was no use dwelling on something so insignificant. Whatever irony the universe had found in bringing them together again after Mindoir, he wasn’t going to lose himself in a past that had no bearing on his current relationship with her. Even so, he lightly squeezed the girl’s hand as they walked in silence. There was a brief pause, and he felt her stop for a moment, her own fingers curling against his just as tightly; as he turned to look down at her, a strange expression showed on her face. It was so quickly replaced by a confused stare up at him that Saren had to wonder if it had been there at all. 

He held her eyes for a moment, searching their depths before merely giving a nonchalant tilt of his head. 

As his gaze lifted, however, his blood seemed to run cold as he caught sight of a familiar red-tinged hide moving along in the crowds behind them. Before he could even wish for it to be someone else, the white colony markings and piercing green eyes made themselves visible as Nihlus looked down to his side as if speaking to someone. Saren tensed up as he eyed his former protegé for a moment, hand tightening on Nova’s before he wordlessly pulled her after him, swiftly but gently enough so she wouldn’t cry out. Their pace was faster, however, and he heard Nova asking him what was wrong before he made a sharp turn down a corridor, finding the elevator down to the Wards right where he’d hoped it would be. 

It was only after he’d tugged his human inside and the doors had safely shut that he allowed a moment of relief to wash over him. Nihlus hadn’t seemed to have noticed him, and he hadn’t heard the younger turian call out his name. Panic eased its way out of him as he kept hold of the girl’s hand, feeling her warmth seeping into his own and calming him from his near hysteria. That had been too close; had she not paused when she did, Saren knew they would have been caught. Nova’s timing had been impeccable. As his gaze dropped to hers upon the elevator’s descent, he gave a crooked smile to her confused expression, reaching out his untaken hand to stroke a talon down her cheek. 

“It’s nothing. I just had a sudden… idea. I apologize if I was too rough with you, Nova,” was all he offered in explanation, withdrawing from her as he came to his senses. 

Not now. Not yet. 

*****

Despite feeling as if he’d safely eluded the notice of the other Spectre, Saren couldn’t help checking his omnitool every few minutes, almost expecting a message from the younger turian. It at least was something to do as he waited in the front of the store, feeling completely out of place among the three asari employees who milled about fixing merchandise, each of them always looking over to him with the hint of a smile on their lips before turning swiftly to avoid his ire. 

So far this hadn’t gone exactly as he’d originally planned, but with their quick flight from the Presidium he’d had to make arrangements to visit a different clothing store, this one having a very reputable standing and with multiple positive reviews from past customers, who lauded the asari workers within for their advice and pleasant demeanor. It was sadly wedged between two other stores on either side of a long strip in the middle of the district, and Saren hadn’t particularly enjoyed the thought of lurking outside in plain view of the crowds. Thus he had ended up on the plush seating along the wall, as close as he allowed himself to be to the thick curtain walling off the dressing rooms from the rest of the store. He prided himself on being a patient man, having been able to lay unmoving for days in a sniper nest while casing a suspect location; this sitting around alone while Nova had disappeared behind that curtain, however, was testing his nerves in ways nothing else ever had. He felt as out of place here as the girl had been at the restaurant - possibly even more so. The way the asari workers kept flicking their eyes to him before dropping into irritating giggling whispers with each other didn’t help matters. It was a wonder none of them had dared to ask anything more personal than Nova’s measurements when they’d first walked in. 

His eyes flicked to the immobile curtain, straining to hear anything from his companion and the woman who had went in with her. Nova had protested in stutters and shakes of her head the entire walk down to the store, but as he’d shoved her towards the doorway her voice had quieted in a sign of defeat, only her eyes still trying to argue with him on the planned expenditures. The thought brought a smile, mandibles flicking upwards as he quietly laughed about the girl’s ridiculous behavior. Clothing was no more a threat to his funds than a high-class restaurant was, and what else was he going to spend it on? It was high time his bank account got some use out of it for some things besides his work. 

He’d had little experience or knowledge with women’s fashion, however, and upon entering the place had been more than a little grateful to turn her over to the care of the asari matron who ran the store. All he could do now was sit and wait.

* * *

 

The memory of his hand encircling hers was all she could think about. 

Even as the teal-skinned asari matron flitted on all sides of her, measuring, adjusting, prodding gently, Nova’s eyes were glazed over with flashes of a night nearly a decade ago. But instead of the fires and the screams that had haunted her dreams for years, she heard only silence. Within it, the feeling of a warmth surrounding her, spreading from the hand tightly held between a strange turian’s claws all through her small body. She was eight years old again, shivering and covered in dirt, soot, and dried tears - but alive, and safe with someone who’s entire presence seemed to scream that he shouldn’t be. As she heard the matron request her to lift her arms, Nova felt an odd emptiness in her where tears should have been. 

It had always been Saren. From that hellish nightmare she went through, all the way up to the present, he had always been there - first in her fuzzy memories, and then pressed against every inch of her, his heat enveloping her very essence and blinding her to the world outside. The realization had hit her like a gunshot to her gut, but strangely even as she felt the tears balling up within her throat, they didn’t threaten to fall. 

“This dress is one of our more famous numbers, made with the finest imported Thessian silk. I will need you to remove your undergarment, however, otherwise it will show through from the back,” the woman was saying, and it took Nova a moment to register her words, merely staring blankly at the asari for a moment before startling back into the present and uttering a meek apology. The matron simply gave an understanding smile, helping unhook her bra and bringing over the dress to replace it, carefully slipping it over her head and tugging it gently down her form. A pair of shoes were brought over from the little pile that had been made in the far corner of the room, and Nova stepped into them hesitantly, feeling herself elevated by the height of the heels. The asari clapped her hands together with hardly a sound. “You look absolutely ravishing in this, darling. Blue certainly is your color!”

An embarrassed flush was all Nova could give in response, looking to herself in the floor-length mirror for a moment and shifting slightly to the left and right, eyes barely taking in the dress before her thoughts drifted back to her rescue. Saren had pointed a gun at her that night, eyes cold as he’d taken in the sight of her pitiful form. She’d been afraid of him, yet whether due to the fact he was the only non-hostile alien she’d encountered in twenty-four hours, or simply because his voice soothed her in a way she hadn’t understood, Nova had followed after his retreating figure, begging for help. Clinging to the only thing she could anymore. Then years later, she had met him again, a gun still in his hand and silver gaze still as frigid as it had been so long ago, his words dripping like venom as he’d spoken to her. 

How had she forgotten a man like Saren?

“I’m sure your boyfriend will appreciate the cut. With how beautifully you fill out the curves, he’ll have a hard time keeping his jaw off the floor,” the woman was continuing, a teasing smile playing upon her perfectly-shaped lips. The word registered with her in a rise of heat.

“H-He’s n-not…!” she tried to say, words shivering with embarrassment. She sputtered an attempt at denial a few more times before finally just taking to shaking her head, arms wrapping around herself as she met her own emerald eyes in the mirror. Upon the asari’s disbelieving grin, she whispered, “He’s… j-just a friend.”

“If you say so, darling..” the matron said, moving closer and reaching her hands up to smooth down some of Nova’s hair. The human could still see a ghost of a smile on the woman’s lips as she idly picked and pulled around her, straightening parts of the dress out and patting down any wrinkles. “But you know, I’ve lived quite a long time. The way you two look at each other… well, I won’t pry. But your ‘just friends’ stage seems like it’s holding on by a very loose thread, my dear. If not for you, then most assuredly for him.”

“W-What..”

“As I said, I won’t pry. Just food for thought, darling,” the asari laughed, gently patting her bare back. “Now then, would you like to try something else on before you go show your  _ friend _ how you look, or are we ready to go?”

Nova flushed an even deeper shade of red at the thought of Saren seeing her in something like this. It was stupid to get all worked up over it, she knew - after all, the first night… no, the night they  _ reunited _ , she’d been in something equally as low-cut. But as she took in her form, eyes roaming over the tight silk and the way it hugged her hips, stretched perfectly across her oversized chest, she couldn’t help feeling a sense of self-consciousness creep through. He’d made it clear a year ago that their relationship would strictly maintain a level of friendship and nothing more; what would he think of her, if she walked out looking like a better-dressed consort? 

She shook her head at the woman, hoping her expression didn’t give away more than she was willing to admit. Ever the caring presence, the asari simply gave a short nod and set about helping her out of the dress. 

* * *

  
After what felt like ages, Saren saw the asari emerge from the curtain, waving one of the other girls over before she poked her head back into it. He heard her speaking, unable to make out the words - but a moment later he understood, as both asari helped split the heavy fabric apart in order for Nova to walk through unhassled. Believing the mysterious goings-ons in the dressing room were over, he placed his hands on his knees and pulled himself up, standing to meet her. 

As his eyes found hers, however, he felt frozen in place. 

She was in a tight dress that hugged her body in all the best ways, fabric stretching just enough at her hips to draw his eyes to their form, gaze wandering down past the asymmetrical scallop of the skirt to her legs; smooth as silk and elevated by shoes that glittered with mock-diamonds embedded along the toe. But his eyes soon returned to the most noticeable thing about the outfit, a low v-cut extending to the center of her chest and giving a sinful view of the dip between her breasts, which seemed ready to nearly spill out at the slightest provocation. He followed the red flush along the region up over her neck, their gazes finally reconnecting as she looked at him with an almost fearful expectation. That was probably what stopped him more than anything; that innocent look in her eye even as she was showing off almost everything a man could desire. He had to actively think of something unpleasant just to control the parting plates. 

A snicker from the asari matron was the only thing that alerted him to his jaw being rather slack.

Mandibles tightening to the sides of his mouth, Saren moved closer to his human, attempting to keep his eyes level with her own rather than let them wander back to the assets of hers that were on display. His towering presence seemed to kill off the giggling from the other asari, though his gaze never once left Nova’s as he shortened the distance between them, coming to rest merely a hair’s breadth apart. The imperceptible way she drew in a breath told him just how nervous she was - still hanging on his every word, eyes giving away her expectation. What could he even say? Only a single description came to mind, yet he could scarce seem to speak as he stood so intimately within her personal space, simply staring down at her. 

Infuriating woman. 

“You look…” he started, and almost recoiled at the way her eyes widened ever so slightly, breath hitching in anticipation. To make matters worse, he felt the stares of the asari workers on him, as if they too were silently awaiting his judgement. It was irritating, and most of all was the way his pulse seemed to quicken with anxiety. This was  _ ridiculous _ ; the infamous Saren Arterius, feeling anxious over a damned human woman. Internally he let out a severe growl, and even despite his efforts to control it, some of the feelings escaped through a low keen in his subvocals. Clearing his throat in an effort to shake everything off, he began to raise a hand to Nova’s shoulder before catching himself, lowering it almost regretfully as he finished, “You look nice.”

The asari all seemed to glare at him at once, but he ignored the incredulous looks as he grasped Nova’s hand. 

“I assume you’re finished up here?” 

“... Y-Yes.. I, um.. w-we’ve already gotten the yes pile into bags, u-um..” Nova looked to the side, eyes finding their way to the matron’s as the woman gave a last lingering glare to Saren before turning the charm back on and smiling to the human. An oversized bag stamped with the store’s logo was handed to her, which Nova took with some hesitation and gave a single nod of thanks. Her other hand never moved out of his grip. 

“Good. You-” he stated, turning to the matron expectantly and doing his best to glare right back at her, “this credit chit should cover the expenses. Keep anything left over.”

She took the thin device from his hand with a smile, dropping a half-curtsy and a nod before handing it off to one of the other women, turning to Nova for a moment and giving her a light pat on her shoulder. “Remember what I told you, darling. And have fun, you’re too young to not enjoy yourself. The clothes you wore in are also in the bag, would you like to change back before-”

“She’ll wear it out,” Saren interrupted, bristling slightly as the woman’s hand lingered on his human for a second too long. Without another word, he tugged Nova along with him, leading her out of the store without so much as a thank you to the workers. He wanted to be free of that suffocating atmosphere, away from the disappointed frowns on the faces of the workers. He’d already screwed up what he’d wanted to say to her - there was certainly no need to be reminded of it by a few asari whores. She followed along in silence, only a quick glance passing between them before they plunged into the crowds of Zakera Ward. 

*****

“Now where?” he asked later, after they spent fifteen minutes simply putting distance between themselves and the clothing store. Ideas for how to pass the time were running dry - this last detour had been unplanned in the first place until she’d made that comment in the restaurant. He brought them to a stop just inside an arched walkway leading to a set of doors for a warehouse, eyes finding hers and continuing to pointedly ignore her displayed cleavage. Nova’s expression twisted in confusion, and after a moment of silence she simply shook her head. 

“I-I.. don’t know. I-I’m not really f-familiar… with a lot of places..” 

“Nor am I.” He punctuated the statement with a short sigh, nostrils flaring for a moment as he leaned against the wall and looked around. A second later he felt her pressing against him, hand still tightly clenched around his own. She’d been oddly quiet since they’d arrived on the Wards, rarely speaking unless he did first and even then just answering questions or reacting to him. 

Saren was becoming a little bothered by the behavior. 

He looked down at the bag she carried. “Perhaps we should make our way back to your apartment. You could drop your clothes off there, get them out of the way..” 

She didn’t respond, simply biting her lip and pressing closer against him.  _ Spirits _ but he wished she wouldn’t; feeling the heat from her small body and the softness of her chest was straining hard on his self control. Her eyes met his again for a brief moment, flickering with an unspoken question that she seemed reluctant to ask. 

His mandibles flicked once, and he turned to face her, twisting himself to eclipse her from view as he pressed closer against the wall - and consequently, into her. A hum sounded from his subvocals, and he raked his gaze over her as he asked, “Unless you have another idea… Nova.” 

Her shiver would have gone unnoticed by anyone else, but the intensity with which he stared at her allowed him to see every small movement. The hum increased in volume, and he pressed closer until there was hardly any space left between them. He saw the brief flash of fear go through her, eyes flicking up in terror before moving away from his gaze to focus on a spot some ways behind him, her lip quivering in a way which had him suppressing a growl. 

_ Stop it. You’re going to ruin everything if you keep acting like a foolish teenager.  _

Saren didn’t move away even with his senses screaming at him, but did not flatten against her any further, merely watching her expectantly as she seemed to be thinking. He could smell the lingering scent of the asari’s perfume on her, and below it her own unique mix of florals and electricity. This close, he could feel the static surrounding her, barely noticeable aside from a distinct prickling along his hide - like the caress of dark energy he felt whenever he used his biotics. Saren wondered whether she could feel the same thing.

“Nova.”

“L-Let’s go to y-your apartment,” she blurted out, just as the last syllable of her name rolled from his tongue. The suddenness of it took him aback for a moment, the words keeping his surprise in place as he registered them a second after. Keeping his mandibles clamped tightly against his jaw, Saren allowed his subvocals to express his pleasure at the idea. He knew she still couldn’t understand, but that was for the best right now. He didn’t want her to know just yet.   
  
Not until he received an answer to a question he was still struggling to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -shrugs heavily- I don't know how I could have written this any better, still not satisfied but oh well. Too close to what I really want to get to to really spend more time on this.


	4. Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c

Nova clung tightly to Saren’s hand as he led her through the cacophonous streets of the Ward, guiding them with a sure step back towards the Presidium elevator. The roar of the crowds was becoming nearly deafening, and as she had done so long ago, she held fast to the one steady anchor amid the chaos, eyes continuously following the line of silver plating along the back of his neck. His own gaze found hers now and again, split seconds where she felt as if her heart would tumble out of her chest at the intensity she found within it. Each time his eyes faced forward, releasing her from their hold, she felt as if she was taking in a huge gulp of air after being underwater. Sharp and painful, with an undercurrent of relief washing through her; his talons clenched around her fingers with every corner they took, every large crowd they had to push through. 

He was still so safe. Her shield against the monsters that ate at her mind. 

Boarding the elevator, alone together and free of the noise of the Wards, with only the low hum of the music piercing the silence between them, Nova looked up to him again. Memories swam at the edge of her vision, the past blurring with the present. So little had changed since that day; they’d both simply grown older, Saren’s face even more weathered than it had been before. Her heart clenched tightly against her ribcage as she wondered just what he had been through in the years since Mindoir. A Spectre never stopped working, or so he’d told her - she could see the truth in the statement, the way his eyelids were always lowering whenever they stood still for a time, the subtle way his shoulders seemed to sag as if he carried the weight of the galaxy upon them. 

Squeezing his hand tightly, Nova wondered whether she’d ever be able to take some of that burden away, just as he had for her. 

Reentering the uniform whiteness of the Presidium ring was almost jarring, after the darker streets of the Wards. Saren spared a glance to her as they stepped out of the elevator, mandibles twitching as their eyes locked in a silent conversation. She tried to give her friend - her rescuer - a smile, another light squeeze before he finally turned away with a quiet grunt. She allowed herself to be pulled along, almost grateful for the quiet between them. 

It gave her time to think about everything. Mindoir had been…  _ still was _ a nightmare she tried not to think about, yet now memories seemed to flood into her without pain, without the accompanying screams and smell of burning corpses. Instead just a blissful quiet, a near-imperceptible heartbeat against her ear as she’d slept. Warmth - careful and protective, so unnatural yet feeling as if it had always been with her. A towering figure holding her tightly, eyes she couldn’t quite see up into but knew the color of - dancing silver lights glinting like a predator, with a voice so deep it seemed to seep into her very skin whenever he spoke. 

Reliving her first time meeting Saren, she felt the memory of her child self flood into the adult she now was, touching even deeper than before. 

In a daze she followed after him, the world around them seeming to fall away as his heat spread through her from their joined hands. Even the memory of his smell assaulted her, a distinct scent of gun oil, smoke, and some unknown aroma she could only chalk up as something uniquely turian. Even that should have warned away others, betrayed the sort of hard and dangerous life he lived, revealed the cold man underneath the guise of a Spectre. 

But for her it simply felt like home. 

“There isn’t much to see,” she heard him say, voice coming out almost as a whisper. Her eyes looked past him to a simple door, which he touched the control panel on and opened for them, guiding her inside. Her eyes were drawn to the uniformity of the place, off-white eggshell-colored walls meeting with a dull carpet much the same shade, with darker wood flooring seen here and there in what looked to be a kitchen area, and across the room in a lounge space. The interior had no decorations; no books or statues or anything littered the tabletops or rested on shelves. There wasn’t even much furniture aside from the bare minimum, things that looked to have simply come with the apartment more than anything. 

She could feel his hand slip from hers, and the motion sent a jolt of panic down her nervous system. Saren hesitated for a moment, looking as if he was debating whether to move away, but as their gazes found each other and silver met green, Nova was relieved to feel his talons snake their way over the top of her hand, slipping easily around her wrist in a loose grip - enough to hold on to her, but with little enough pressure that if she wanted to pull away, she could have. The thought never even crossed her mind as she moved away from the door, closer to him. 

His eyes flicked down to her bag, and his free hand took it from her without fuss, carefully tossing it to the side where it sank against the wall. 

“If you’re thirsty, I’m afraid all I can offer is water,” he said, voice still in that low tone that sent a shiver across her spine. Her mouth did suddenly feel dry, but she shook her head. 

“I-I’m… alright. Thank you, Saren..” Even her own voice barely registered above a whisper. She felt heat rise to her cheeks, and lowered her gaze away from the turian. Nova felt his eyes linger a moment longer, before once more he broke contact with her, hand sliding down hers before withdrawing completely. She bit her lip as he moved past her, and soon the sound of the door closing with a quiet  _ whoosh _ met her ears, along with the distinct sound of a lock. She didn’t turn, but Nova could sense him still standing in front of the console, his back to her own. 

Silence overtook them once more, broken only by her own heartbeat raging inside her chest. Faster than it had been all day, even more so than when the realization of Saren’s identity hit her. She felt like she’d suffocate if it kept on. 

“C-Can I… look around..?”

“If you must.”

It was all she could do not to break out in a run, her muffled footsteps falling against the eggshell carpet as she walked further inside, eyes trailing over the empty walls and following the sleek design up towards a simple glass staircase against the opposite end of the apartment. Saren was still standing near the door when she thought to look back, posture stiff and reminiscent of the more unsociable crewmen back on the  _ Hong Kong _ . Turians served in the military from the age of fifteen until their early twenties; Nova could clearly see those years manifesting in Saren’s straightened back and tense shoulders. Her heart seemed to flutter against her ribcage as she took in his form, eyes quickly averting lest it become unbearable. Carefully, she made her way up the stairs, hand never leaving the railing as she worried about tripping in the heels. 

The clothes were another reminder of just how confusing today had been. The asari matron’s words floated through her mind as she walked the length of the small balcony. 

_ Your ‘just friends’ stage seems like it’s holding on by a very loose thread. _

Nova shook the thought away, feeling the flush from earlier resurfacing along her ears now. None of today had meant anything to Saren beyond simply wanting to catch up with one another. Despite the whole “taking someone of the opposite gender out to eat and buying them presents” scenario holding distinctly romantic undertones for humans, she figured for turians it may have been different. Today had merely been two friends spending much-needed time together after a long separation.

That was all she allowed herself to hope for. 

* * *

 

 

The air seemed to crackle around him, whispering with a coming storm that Saren wasn’t sure he was prepared for. 

But the only way left to him was forward, into the mess he had created a year ago and planned to worsen today. Would she accept it? Without alcohol running through their systems, taking down walls they had both built up and lowering inhibitions enough so that even he - in all his human-hating presence of mind - could stomach touching a girl who could have been his daughter in another life, would she accept what was to come? Would she want the same thing, a year later?

His eyes stared blankly at the door, the reflection not even allowing him to watch her as she explored around the empty space he so rarely had used before she came into his life. Her footfalls were his only indication of where she was heading, and as he heard those new heels clink against the glass of the stairwell, he lifted his gaze and turned his head ever so slightly. Hesitation crept back, a feeling he wasn’t at all familiar with and detested more than anything right now. He was  _ Saren Arterius _ \- infamous Spectre, the best the Council had to offer, who had singlehandedly saved the turian species when he was barely more than a child (though few seemed to recall that particular detail). But as he turned around just in time to see her back retreating into his bedroom, Saren had the uncomfortable realization that to her, he wasn’t any of that.

To her, he was just a man. And tonight, all he wished to be was a man she wanted just as badly as he did her. 

His footfalls were soft, unsure, as he made his way up the stairs and followed after the woman who had he had become so infuriatingly drawn to. He found her standing in the middle of his bedroom, head turning slowly as she surveyed the space - empty as all the rest of his apartment, save for a simple bed and a desk in the far corner, where he had spent countless nights watching her on vidcalls. His blood seemed to chill as she stepped closer to there, hand extending to run delicate fingers across the surface, eyes seeming to recognize what lay behind. He saw the flush still running over her face, slowly sinking its way down that silky neck as she stood seemingly transfixed, and the scent of her wafted over to him, distinct and entirely  _ her _ . A soft rumble overtook his subvocals as he took it in, and as he stepped further into the room, it only rose in volume the closer he went towards the irritating human he pined so pathetically for. 

Time seemed to slow for them as he came to stand right behind her, barely a hair’s breadth between them as she stiffened and he heard a soft gasp fall from her lips. Silence overtook the space, stretching on for what felt an eternity as Saren let her scent consume him, allowing his mind to fall back to that familiar place of longing, of curiosity. Her shallow breathing was like a heartbeat pounding within his head, and for a moment he nearly panicked, wondering if things could ever return to the way they were that night without either of them inebriated beyond reason. But there was no alcohol anywhere within his apartment, not anymore - he’d made sure to throw out or finish off what remained, so that the temptation to run from this situation wasn’t present. What they had done that night had been drunken slobbering; two individuals who barely knew each other’s names simply falling together in a pile of tangled limbs and frantic movements. He didn’t want that again, even if it meant he dealt with his senses screaming at him not to indulge in a human woman. He wanted to drink her in, allow Nova to be the alcohol for his delirious state, as he worked through whatever these irritating feelings were that he’d held for almost a year. 

A single hand reached up, talons stroking from her shoulder all the way down her arm. Little bumps erupted on her skin, something Saren vaguely registered as being that “gooseflesh” humans always mentioned getting when cold, scared, or aroused. Which was this? 

He leaned in closer, other hand going to her untouched shoulder as he continued making light stroking motions over the first. His grip was loose as it had been earlier downstairs, tight enough to hang on to her but slack enough so that if she wanted to escape, she could do so without any resistance. Despite the keen his subvocals were making, Saren was not a man to simply take what he wanted without a care for whether the object of his desire was willing or not. And with Nova, he would be as patient and as careful as he had to - especially if he had to warm her up to the idea. She had plenty of reason not to want him the way he did her, hidden scars below her too-malleable skin that he had left upon her that night. It was almost disgusting to him how he wanted to make new ones, replace the old scars now fully healed with fresh ones that bled crimson across her pale body, painting her in the color of his desire. A message to any who ever tried to take her, and a reminder to her that she was his alone. 

He had no right to want that. The hand on her shoulder nearly withdrew in regret. 

“Saren..” she whispered, her voice breaking him out of his thoughts to fix his attention solely on her. He merely growled an acknowledgement, not trusting himself yet to speak. She moved - a motion that was hardly noticeable save for the way it sent her back pressing against his chest and stomach - and Saren drew a sharp intake of breath. She never stopped testing his patience, his control. The hand roaming across her arm, lightly sliding through her gooseflesh, paused in its wanderings, coming to rest on her elbow and gripping her with more force than he had her shoulder. 

“I will only ask this once, Nova,” he began, mouth feeling like he had a wad of Thessian cotton shoved into it. His talons snaked across her shoulder. “That night, what did you feel?”

He needn’t specify what night in particular. The way he felt a shiver run through the girl’s small body, he knew she was thinking of the right one - the only one that truly mattered. Her head moved, tilted just slightly enough that he received a fresh waft of her scent and nearly let out a wail. “I-I… w-wanted you. More than a-anything, I… I just wanted y-you to stay. Everything h-hurt, a part of me felt.. empty. When y-you left, all I could think a-about was how I wished… w-wished you’d stayed.”

Another sharp intake of breath, the sound a mere hiss of air cutting through the silence. But that was still then… Saren needed the  _ now _ , the present which had him nearly smothering Nova. 

“And now?” he asked. The hand on her shoulder snaked across her collarbone, finding its new resting spot on her opposing limb as he drew her closer, resisting the urge to lean down and bury himself in her hair. “What do you want now, Nova?”

Silence fell again, unbearable. His grip on the girl tightened, sanity slowly receding as his heart rate sped up. He couldn’t take much more of this; the painful waiting, how maddening it was to be holding her this closely yet be too afraid to do more, to wish for more. His past self from a year ago would have sneered at how pathetic he was, laugh at the fact the great Saren Arterius was scared over a single human girl. A woman should never have drove him to such depths, let alone a damned  _ human _ wench. His subvocals emitted a desperate whine begging her to speak, to end this madness one way or another.

_ Don’t make me beg, Nova _ .

“S-Saren, y-you said we… y-you said th-that wouldn’t h-happen again, t-that we couldn’t-”

“I know what I said!” he hissed, the sound knocking his harmonics out of sync in a terrifying display of emotion. He felt her tense up, a single choked sound the only indication given to him that she was close to tears. He held her all the tighter, finally giving in and pressing his mouth plates into her hair, breathing deeply in an attempt to calm them both. She was dangerous - a storm he was willing to jump right into without a care. With another deep sigh, he continued, “Answer me.”

“... I-I s-still..”

His keen was becoming unbearable to his own ears. 

“I-I w-want you… I-I think I a-always.. f-from the moment I w-woke up and s-saw you that m-morning, I-I..”

It was overpowering all sense. Saren turned the girl around to face him with incredible speed, pressing her against the desk and keeping himself upright with a hand on the edge. The other snaked around her small frame, keeping her pinned to him as he stared down at her tear-filled eyes. The breath he took was shaky, his mandibles flicking incessantly in agitation, his mind no more than a blank as he locked his gaze to this infuriating woman. Things were even worse without alcohol; he felt too raw, too exposed to her without the veil of inebriation surrounding them. That first night together, he had held all the power, had dominated her utterly and completely with only the screaming in his head fighting back against every salacious thought he could muster. Things were not the same this time. 

“Do you want this? It’s not too late to walk away… but if we go down this road, I won’t stop even if you tell me to. Are you prepared for that?” 

“S-Saren..”

“Answer me, Nova.”  _ Before everything falls apart.  _

_ Before I ruin what little we have. _

He felt her hands snaking up his chest, and as if instinctively understanding, Saren pulled her even closer, hand ghosting up to the back of her head as he gently tangled his talons through her silky hair. He didn’t try to stop the desperate vibrations of his subvocals. Saren wanted her to hear them, to  _ feel _ them - to know just how serious he was. Regardless of anything that came after, he wanted nothing more than to simply melt into her; allow their minds to go shut off, let their bodies take over as they twisted and writhed against one another in a desperate dance. 

He’d never wanted a single thing in his entire life as badly as he wanted the young woman trembling against him. And if she allowed it, he would ravish her until she could think of nothing else but his touch. 

“W-What… what happens if we… i-if w-we do this a-again..”

_ Stop asking questions _ . He silently begged her not to push against his fraying control. He refused to force her into a decision, and even less so was willing to take anything he wanted without her consent. He wouldn’t stoop to the level of those batarian bastards who took everything from her, who would have used a poor child in the most horrible ways imaginable before packing her up with the hundreds of other slaves. Just the thought of what could have been made his blood freeze, his grip tighten on her fragile form. 

Even if he had to wait an eternity, he would. Whatever curse she had cast upon him that night, he was willingly allowing its manipulation, every thought screaming for her and only her. Whether it be purely sexual or the beginnings of something he refused to think about, Saren  _ needed _ her - and he would wait a thousand lifetimes if need be. 

Taking a shaky breath, he could only repeat, “ _ Answer me _ , Nova. Please…”

Another eternity in a moment, a silence so deathly that the sound of his heartbeat pounded in his ear like a war cry. Her own vibrated against him, electricity building between them as their bodies nearly melded together as one.  _ Spirits _ , her scent would be the death of him. A solitary thought overtook his mind, a focused desire to simply bury his face in her hair as he took her plates deep.  _ Please _ , he begged. He’d whine for her if that was what it took just to end this madness. 

“... I-I want you, S-Saren.. m-more than anything, I-I…”  
  
He gave her no time to finish, having heard more than enough.


	5. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :3c pt.2!

He crashed his mouth against her own, vague memories recalling the way her lips had ghosted across it that night. All he heard was a weak whimper before her postured changed, her hands running up his shoulders to tangle around the unplated region of his neck. The sound was music to his ears, a melody that chased away the thrumming of his heartbeat and left only a new kind of madness; a desperation to meld with her, their bodies pressing together all the harder as he backed her against the desk. Mouths parted and tongues danced out to meet one another, his own twisting around her shorter one before he dove inside, tasting every inch of her. His subvocals rose in a satisfied keel, desire lacing into his harmonics as he clenched so hard to the edge of his desk that he thought he felt the faux-wood crunching beneath his talons.

He would have splayed her against it had she not gasped his name, leg lifting as if of its own accord to hook behind one of his spurs. Saren met the motion with a low growl, hand tugging her away long enough to gaze down into those emerald gems, the fire behind them driving his thoughts towards any salacious act he could imagine. He wanted to see her writhing in every possible way, drag moans of his name from her until she was nothing more than a squealing mess below his touch. Already he felt his plates completely parted, a tightness against his pants as he pressed between her legs, barely containing a frantic intake of breath.

His gaze fell to the dip between her breasts, the soft mounds half-hidden by the dark blue fabric of the dress. Much as he thought her beautiful in it, it was time for the clothing to disappear. He’d held back for long enough.

Without a word he tugged her with him towards the bed, hands finding their way to her shoulders and pushing away the damnable fabric until finally her bare breasts were freed to his eyes. They were still as smooth and unblemished as he remembered, the pink tips already hardening. One arm wrapping around her waist, Saren brought his hand up to lightly twist at the beads, mandibles quirking in a satisfied smile as he pulled a moan out of the girl. They seemed even louder this time than he remembered.

As his eyes met hers again, the both of them poised at the edge of the bed and Saren fully preparing to throw her upon it, a new memory flooded into his mind - one altogether more unpleasant than what he had been thinking of until now. A brief conversation he’d had with Nihlus over drinks, a disgusted look of incredulity on his face as the younger turian had slurred about some asari whore he’d fooled around with a few days prior - speaking of how she had used her mouth in ways no turian could ever experience with their own women. An altogether unique pleasure that only the softer, less toothy species could provide to males with the proper… equipment. Saren had remembered the irritation he’d felt at his drunken protegé snickering about the act as if he was a no more than a hormonal teenager, but as the memory replayed in his mind now, he couldn’t help feeling… curious.

Staring at his woman, Saren knew if he asked she would agree without question. Her eyes betrayed just how earnestly she wanted to please him.

Heat lowered to a slow burn as he turned them, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling her smaller form into his arms as he pressed another kiss to her lips - one she returned just as slowly, as if she instinctually could feel the change in his momentum. As they pulled apart, he ran a talon carefully across her cheek.

“Would you do something for me, Nova?” his voice came out so low it was more a rumble than a whisper. He saw her flush spread, the way her eyes wavered at the sound before she gave a silent nod, leaning closer to kiss him again. He allowed it, savoring her taste for a moment longer before he dragged her away, quietly ordering her on her knees before him. _Spirits_ but he was glad she always obeyed him without question. He lifted her gaze again, the tip of his talon caressing over those reddened lips, a thin white line following after before dispersing just as quickly as it had come. “Put that mouth of yours to even better use.”

* * *

 

Nihlus had been right, damn it all.

Saren fought against a growl as her tongue made its way up the underside of his shaft, watching with a shudder as her lips molded around the tip again and he felt her suckle gently. Humans were so warm, so _wet_ everywhere - her mouth felt just as good and tight as her sex, so utterly unlike the sharp ridges and openness of his own species’. And without the needle-like teeth as well, her own barely running against the sensitive skin as she continued with her exploratory ministrations. She still seemed so unsure, her eyes finding his now and again with an unspoken question in them; Saren encouraged her the best way he knew how, a hand pressed against her head and pushing her down on his shaft in answer. They were both unfamiliar with this, but it was a learning experience they would share. For all he was aware, she was doing terribly compared to that asari whore his former protegé hadn’t shut up about, but Saren didn’t care. This felt nearly as good as entering her, and the _sounds_ she made - they would drive him crazy.

His talons dug into the bedding, and were he paying more attention he would have found the large holes he was leaving behind. But Saren’s eyes never left the woman between his legs, who so reverently held his shaft as she cautiously pleasured him in any way she could think of. Perhaps it was an instinctual knowledge in humans, to know just what to do in this situation - Saren didn’t know and he wasn’t going to dwell on it.

“Nova-” his words cut off with a hiss, feeling the girl’s tongue circling around him. Spirits, his stomach was doing backflips at the contact. Her eyes flickered up to him at the sound, worry passing through them before his mandibles flicked in a smile and he lightly pushed against her head, forcing her to focus back on her ministrations. Words of praise wanted to tumble from his throat as he watched her slowly edge more of him into her tiny mouth, so foreign and unusual for him that he fought them all down, wanting to receive her treatment with only the silence between them. Wet smacks and the light moans spilling from around his member were all that broke it, an utter symphony to his ears.

She was going to bring him to the edge before he ever touched more of her body. The thought wasn’t as unwelcome as he’d expected it to be.

Fluids and her own saliva leaked down from his swollen length, pooling in a lurid fashion against her breasts. Saren liked the picture, his mind already conjuring images of the girl splayed below him, completely covered in his seed; a mark across her entire body, seeping into her skin as she realized that only he alone could possess her. What made the fantasy even more delightful was the knowledge she would willingly allow him, would possibly even _beg_ as he released all over her. As she shifted between his legs, hands retreating from his shaft, Saren’s subvocals hummed with the pleasure of knowing just how completely devoted she could be to his desires. Eager to please, wishing only to fulfill his every order.

Infuriating woman.

His breath hitched in his throat, releasing in a strangled growl as he felt something soft and malleable being pressed all around his shaft. Of all the… Saren nearly laughed as his gaze plunged downwards to see Nova’s hands holding the sides of her breasts, the large mounds squeezed against him and almost enveloping the lower half of his length. She gave him a single look, a silent question, before she started moving them along his shaft as he gave a short nod of his head. The feeling was indescribable, warmth pouring from her skin as she moaned at the contact, her lips soon finding his tip once more and only heightening the pleasure.

Perhaps Nihlus had a point about human women after all.

* * *

 

Nova let out a small cry as she was nearly flung onto the bed, the material harder than she’d imagined but still bouncing under her weight as she twisted to look at the turian quickly crawling over her.

His hands found their way to her breasts, squeezing and fondling in all the right ways as she whimpered, feeling heat spreading from her face all the way down to her core. Saren’s breath was right at her ear, his heavy weight pressing down against her as talons lightly scraped over her skin. Any soreness she’d felt in her chest was quickly being kneaded away by the Spectre, vibrations running out from his inner voice as he pressed against her at every possible angle, tongue flicking out to lick along the sensitive skin just below her ear. She heard him growl her name, voice so low that it seemed to rumble against her, seeping through her flesh into her very bones.

“S-Sare-aah!” A light twist of her beads sent her mind into the stars, the aching between her legs growing in intensity as she felt Saren’s length pressing against her underwear, nearly threatening to push inside without regard to the flimsy fabric separating their sex. Another lick along her neck had her head splaying to the side, eyes closing as a whimper escaped and her wrists tingled with a telltale biotic field which pulled them against the bed, resting above her and utterly trapped.

“You were marvellous, Nova,” she heard him whisper, harmonics unsyncing for a moment before he continued in a much more steady tone of voice, “Allow me to return the favor.”

Before she could even think of a response through the haze in her mind, Nova let out a sharp cry as she felt something pressing right up against the soft material of her underwear, hot and wet as it played across her covered sex. It was only then that she realized the looming presence of the Spectre was gone, his hands retreated from her breasts and instead now resting against her inner thighs, spreading them apart. Heated breath panted against her, pulling out more whimpers and causing her to writhe involuntarily.

A moment later, she could feel fabric sliding down her legs, a low growl accompanying them before her entire body was stripped bare. She lay shivering, eyes opening to see that silver gaze raking across her, piercing through to her very soul. Again, she was like this. Again, she lay below a turian whose entire presence should have frightened her away, had her run screaming in the opposite direction from the ruthlessness that oozed off him.

Again, she lay naked before the only man who had ever made her feel this safe.

As Saren lowered himself again, mandibles flicking outwards in an unreadable expression before he broke their gaze, Nova sighed breathlessly as their last night replayed in her mind. Without the muddle of alcohol, everything felt so much more raw; she felt even more vulnerable than before. His talons shifted against her inner thighs, barely a ghost of a touch but reminding her of the things she had suffered through once he was done with her - the slashes between her legs where his talons had dug in, the angry red soreness of her sex and the pounding in her head as she’d barely been able to move. The reminder of that morning after scared her, the pain seeming to refresh itself in her mind as she trembled under Saren’s touch.

But as she felt that long, thick tongue sliding into her folds, her mind became a blank, dragging her into sweet oblivion once more.

* * *

 

Saren’s mandibles clicked against his jaw as he carefully licked around his teeth. Perhaps he’d gone too fast - or his prefered idea of simply doing too well - but regardless, Nova’s first peak had passed, running over his tongue as he’d swirled it deep inside of her. As he rose up, eyes following the perfect slopes of her body up to her face, he saw the exhaustion taking over, the cooldown from her first release settling across her shoulders as she could do little more than weakly gasp, lips trembling with every breath.

The flush along her skin was enrapturing. Saren carefully ran a hand along her side, moving himself over her once more until finally she looked up to him. Her eyes shone, reflections so deep and so perfect that he could see his own expression as he gazed into them, lightly cupping the girl’s cheek before she leaned up just enough to press her lips to his mouth. A whispered utterance of his name was all he heard, but it was enough to bring out a purr from his subvocals as he lowered himself against his woman, allowing the contact. Another twist of their tongues had him growling deeply, possessively. He hoped she could taste every single part of herself, to understand the flavor that drove him to such depths of madness. Releasing the biotic field around her wrists, Nova’s hands found his face; her fingers danced across the weathered texture of his cheekbones, along the curve of his mandibles before ghosting up the length of his anteriors. He looked her in the eye again, another growl finding its way out of his throat.

_You’re mine. Only mine._

He moved to nuzzle against her neck as her arms snaked into the hood of his cowl, encircling his neck and pulling them closer together. He felt the trembling all along her skin, the hitched breath as he subtly pushed between her legs while feigning innocent as he took in her scent, nose buried in her hair. If only she knew just what sort of insanity she caused him, the confusing emotions that had swirled within him for a year seeming to finally quiet in his mind as everything focused in on _her_ . The insufferable, irritating, beautiful human girl whose body he was utterly eclipsing, _consuming_.

He’d mark her so deeply she could never look at anyone else. Subvocals thrumming with his passion - his madness - Saren angled them both so that his tip pressed against her soaked folds. With a single slow, agonizing motion, he inserted himself all the way to his plates, their collective breaths joining in a single chorus of moaning. She was still so tight, so _small_ \- so infuriatingly small, suffocating him and causing his mind to go blank for a moment as they merely laid there, molded against one another in such an unnatural yet perfect way. His name rose to her lips, barely a whisper as it shook from her tongue and fell upon him.

Reverence. The way she spoke it made him feel _worshipped_.

Spirits, he was going to ruin her. Talons clenched against her perfect, rounded waist as he set about carving his form into her core, pace fast from the beginning and only speeding up as her cries rose in volume. His eyes couldn’t even focus, blinded entirely by the expression of pure ecstasy on her face as he took her. What had he become? A raving lunatic, a drug addict hooked completely on the pleasure she gave him. It was almost enough to disgust him; he should have been, for what sort of pathetic excuse of a turian was he now, to be panting like a varren as he shoved himself between a human’s legs?

But Saren was beyond the point of caring. His every thought was consumed with the feeling of her walls tightening around him, choking him and drawing him in deeper with every movement. If Nova was a drug, then he would gladly become addicted - welcome it with open arms, so long as he could keep feeling this maddening rush as their bodies became one. She was better than any alcohol or drug in the galaxy. And as he felt her clench, body tensing against his own as her peak returned, Saren would make sure he left his imprint upon her. She would be his own private stock, all of her existing solely for his use alone.

Biology be damned, he’d impregnate her if that’s what it took to keep her from anyone else.

* * *

 

The night wore on, Saren’s hold on the girl rarely weakening except when he wanted to change their positions. He took her in every way imaginable; front, back, side, and even with her in his lap, long silky legs hooked around the slight crook in his waist. Her moans had long turned into screams of pleasure, finally reaching so high a pitch it was as if she made no sound at all, her mouth agape in silent ecstasy as he released inside her again and again, wanting to coat her core with his mark. He fought past the veil of fatigue settling over them as they neared the end, not satisfied until he filled her womb one last time - and then just like that, the night ended for them both.

A great exhale whistled through his nostrils as Saren finally succumbed to exhaustion. He pulled out of her for what felt like the thousandth time that night, but this time allowed his heavy body to fall to the side, rolling onto the mattress with a quiet groan as he felt his length retreating back behind his plates, as utterly spent as he.

His eyes opened, already blurring over in his tired state - blinking it back, his gaze travelled across the flushed skin of her face, covered in a fine sheen of sweat, blonde hair looking damp where it met with her head and lips an angry sort of red color. Like the rest of her, they’d taken a thorough measure of abuse, only able to quiver as she took in weak gasps of air. He let his eyes travel down to the heave of her chest, breasts as reddened as her lips and with small lines across the sides from where he’d been too rough with his claws. Saren knew he would regret it in the morning, seeing the full extent of the pain he’d caused her with their joining, but for now he felt a surge of pride and satisfaction at the signs of his dominance. Carefully reaching downwards, he ghosted the softer pads of his fingers along her sex, feeling the heat still surrounding it and the small welts caused by his harder plates slapping against her fragile skin. Lowering to her folds, he could still feel the wetness leaking from her, the pinnacle of his work that night which caused a crooked smile to flash his mandibles outward. At a whimper from his woman, his hand withdrew upwards to gently wrap around her waist - the slightly raised skin from more scratches reminding him of just how cautious he needed to be as he touched her.

Shifting into a more comfortable position and resting his head on the pillow block, Saren tugged the girl closer to him, an insistent but light pressure that finally had her turning onto her side to face him, wriggling closer until her scent surrounded him once more. He breathed it in deeply, sighing as it seemed to seep within his hide and soothe out all the tension he’d built up during their mating. A metaphorical hit of red sand, or Hallex, or whatever other sorts of disgusting things the addicts of the galaxy had spawned. This was better than them all, the only drug he’d ever need.

“Are you in pain?” he finally asked, finding his voice again even as it slithered out like a hiss.

A light kiss to the base of his neck followed the response of, “A little..”

“I’m sorry, Nova. I... never meant to-”

This time a kiss to his mouth stopped him, the human’s bruised lips pressing against his plates before emerald met silver. As he looked upon her, Saren noticed the telltale blur in her eyes as well.

“I’d.. suffer a little pain like this.. f-for every day of my life, if it was for you..”

 _Spirits_ , she was going to be the death of him. It was only the complete exhaustion preventing his plates from parting again at her words, but his mind still fantasized about spreading his seed into her womb one more time. He tugged her closer, growling as her hands found the front of his carapace and she folded against him. He’d have to remember to apply medigel to the worst of her injuries in the morning - only for the fact he didn’t think he had the strength to get up and walk to the dispenser set into the wall beside his door.

That may have been for the best, anyway. As he leaned up just enough to tug the thin covers over them, wrapping the white fabric around her small frame, Saren’s subharmonics let out a purr as he felt her heat pressing against him. Her skin burned hot, a result of his work and a reminder of just how utterly he had used her. But there was satisfaction as he watched her quickly fall asleep, a serene smile on her face.

He soon followed after her, blackness rising to meet him and drowning all conscious thought as he went under.

* * *

 

Nova wasn’t sure what time it was when she first awoke.

At some point in the night, the room’s lights had shut off - perhaps they were on a timer, who knew. Her eyes were bleary with sleep as she cast her gaze about the darkened space, rolling onto her back and craning her neck around until a glowing display became visible. Nearly the middle of the night, according to the clock. Somehow she had thought it’d be much earlier than that, but time had seemed to slip away from her as Saren had enveloped her mind.

The flush crept back along her face as she remembered the events of the day in perfect detail. Her body ached all over, some areas in pain and others simply sore, tired and in need of a long night’s rest to recuperate. But none of it bothered her so much this time, instead merely adding to the memory of the turian’s hands running over her, his breath hot and desperate against her ear as he’d pulled her onto him again and again, grip so tight on her hips she would have feared he’d puncture her skin had her thoughts not been utterly blank with the throes of pleasure. Even now, she could feel his higher body heat consuming her, keeping her warm far more easily than the thin sheets, and reminding her that this time was real - this time it wasn’t merely a dream she awoke from in a fine sweat, lower body aching in a way she didn’t understand. Her gaze moved back to the Spectre, head turning to the side as she examined him over the roll of the pillow.

He looked much the same as he slept, save for a more relaxed expression that Nova rarely saw during his waking hours. It calmed her, somehow - to see that burden he always seemed to carry lifted, even if for only a little while, and be able to take in the man behind it. His face was all hard ridges and bone-like structure, chiselled and angled in sharp points; something like that shouldn’t have evoked such a raptured expression, but as Nova sidled closer to him that was all she could focus on. Saren looked… _perfect_. Weathered, rugged, and with a tight visage even in sleep that could frighten some people - people with more sense, perhaps, or merely those who weren’t… something. Who didn’t feel so strongly, with a nameless emotion that seemed to consume their entire being and left nothing else but confusion, and a deep aching in her chest.

He was _real_. Over a decade apart, and yet now the image of him that fateful night was crystal clear in her memory as she pasted it overtop the man he was now - older, with more lines and creases, but still so very much that same savior she’d been held by as a child. For years, Nova had thought she’d imagined that faceless rescuer, believed them a fabricated idea from her traumatized mind.

Shifting onto her side again, Nova faced the man in full, hands cautiously reaching up to his face. Her fingers carefully ran across his lower mandible, tracing the hard, curved edge like it was a single part of a greater painting. She moved closer again, following the lines along his cheekbones, over his brow and running like a ghost along what little of his fringe she could reach - uncovered by that black cowl, allowing her only a third glimpse of what he looked like without it. Saren had always struck her with how _different_ he was from others of his species, how his appearance stood out among what most saw as a uniformity among turians. He’d told her that a man with his coloration was looked at as unattractive, ugly in the eyes of their females for being monochromatic and uneven.

Turian women were crazy, she decided. They had to be, to see someone like Saren as anything but..

“Nova..” His voice jarred her from her thoughts, the hand that had idly been caressing over his jaw freezing in place before being caught by his own. She met his eyes as they opened barely a crack, hazy with sleep and fatigue just as her own were. Their hands came to rest against the side of his face, his own eclipsing hers as if he were too tired to lift them away.

“I-I’m sorry.. d-did I wake you?”

A slow grumble was all that met her for a moment, before she saw the subtlest shake of his head. The talons surrounding her trapped hand withdrew, his arm falling back to the small breadth of open space between their bodies as she lowered her own back to his chest. “Nightmares..?”

The word confused her for a moment, though it sent an uncomfortable shiver up her spine as she remembered the nights only a few years ago, where she would still wake up screaming as the shadows of her mother and father were gunned down by batarians, their four eyes glowing red like the fires of hell. As if sensing her discomfort, she felt Saren’s arm snake around her waist and tug her just a bit closer. The action brought back that protective shield, enveloped her in its defenses as he stood in front of her demons with a pistol at the ready. Nova shook her head.

“N-No, I.. I was just watching you..”

A snort preceded whispered words of, “Realizing how displeasurable my appearance is?”

It was her turn to move closer, both hands pressing against the center of his carapace as she leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss on his mouth plates. Another simple shake of her head.

“I-I… I told you b-before, Saren…” One hand lifted to run across his anterior fringe before she pulled back. “You’re beautiful.. regardless of w-what turians think…” Another shake of her head, a single bite on her lower lip before she continued, “Regardless of what _anyone_ thinks..”

Silence fell back upon them, the room seeming to grow colder with it and causing her to focus all her attentions on the warm arm lazily encircling her waist. His heat flooded into her, biting off the chill even as they merely stared at one another, gazes too blurry with exhaustion to even betray any emotion, despite the pounding Nova felt in her heart. She was glad for the dark, suddenly - perhaps it hid away the embarrassing flush along her ears and cheeks enough so that Saren couldn’t see them. His eyes soon closed again, and when silence remained for a few agonizing seconds longer, she thought he may have drifted back off to sleep.

But then the arm around her waist snaked up her back, drawing gooseflesh over her skin as it finally tangled gently in her hair. Pressure was applied, Saren pulling her closer until she was buried against the top of his carapace, inhaling that distinctly turian scent as her nose brushed along his unplated hide. No space was left between them as he brought her in, bodies forming together under the thin fabric of the bedsheets and legs carefully tangling together, each of them shifting slightly until soft met hard and she heard him let out a low growl. A single mandible fluttered before it finally came to rest, and Nova could feel soothing vibrations from his chest as she allowed herself to be eclipsed.   
  
“You talk too much, Nova,” were the only words uttered before sleep reared its head once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we end this beast of an entry and set the stage for the next story! -flops over from exhaustion-


End file.
